rants and ramblings

Good Morning to you... hmmm.. .... Sometimes you just can feel what kind of a day you're going to have. And today, I can sense that it's going to be an ordinary day for me, spending it with ordinary people doing ordinary things... In a very ordinary way. Don't you just hate to be ordinary? Being ordinary is not bad.... but sometimes I get the feeling that I just have to be ordinary.. I have to in order to blend in. I seldom get mad.... I hear but I don't listen... I smile though I feel like crying.... The more hurt I am, the louder I laugh.... Is that ordinary? I don't share my problems with anyone... I keep them in me and try to solve them myself... is that ordinary? I am ordinary…just like everyone else. I often wonder if I die... would people cry over my death? How many people will cry? Would they miss me? What will they say about me, about the way I behave, the way that I have lived my life? Sometimes, I just want to die-- just to know the answers to all these questions. I don't have suicidal tendencies; I don't want to kill myself. I just want to know. It’s just a thought…