excellent!
Today is Mama Ailes natal day!! =)
Lots of things happened… and they happened very fast. Imagine how a few minutes can change your life, your outlook and your belief. I was scolded for coming home late. Oh what the hell -- I had fun and that's what important… I get to spend time with my friends.
Lesson that I've learned-- rejection has a lot of faces. And no matter how it was executed, no matter what the situation is -- being rejected still hurts or in the least it'll leave a pang inside your head and in your heart. *squirms* darn life.. It made me think what the hell is wrong with me.. I mean.. Hey, I take my baths, I brush my teeth, I'm funny and witty [and all that narcissistic stuff]. Maybe I was too hopeful. Maybe I made myself believe that I can go on fooling myself that things will get better. It wasn't my fault that my friends didn't believe me when I told them 'bout the frigging situation. They thought all the while that I'm in denial. Who could deny the wonderful feeling of happy, complete and in love? I
The solution to the problem is to move away. Stop inflicting pain on yourself. I don't think I have found the One. So even before the real game has begun, I have to pack all my bags and leave the game. I don't think the prize that I would get is worth the pain that I'll go through. It's a cowardly act-- but that's the way life goes. I'm not willing to take the risk. The f*cking stake is just too high -- my pride, self-esteem, everything that I am. Someday I hope, ( I just don't get tired of hoping ) I'll be able to write about beautiful and happy things about me and my friends. All of us enjoying a happy life. I don’t know if I'm mad… I'm confused at the moment-- all I can think of is the pitcher of Zombie… sticks of cigarettes that I had, the music and my friends. I love them no doubt…
When you love…you don't think about pride, self-esteem, … you're willing risk your whole self. I'm willing…for… the… right… person.
Ooops, yeah I forgot.. darn, I got busted by my father-- I'm grounded. No drinking and partying for a while… shall we say.. 2 days? Bwahahaha! Damn.. I need to suck up again!
posted by jaded fool @ 4:11 AM
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