rants and ramblings

fooling in love

There were moments in my life that I played with men's feelings. Yep! I'm guilty of that-- of course the subjects of my attention didn't know about it. For me, it was pure fun-- nothing to be serious about. Nope, I'm not a beauty… Beauty has nothing to do with it… it's all in a strategy. You play with them and they play with you. You would be reluctant at first, you would not care if you fight or anything.. But then I say the things that they want to hear.. Making them feel -- err.. Macho or somekind of a God so that they would reconcile with me. I never did consider anybody's feeling. Not mine, certainly not theirs. Then when things blew out of proportion, I end up feeling lonely and alone. But then someone new will come along and I would forgot all about the past.. And it's a brand new game. A new cycle -- all over again.

Ailes was right when she told me that if you're not serious about it, leave it. It's all or nothing-- Just when I brainwashed myself all those times that It's just a game, I'll play my part until the right one comes along in order to save myself the pain.. I end up hurt and a fucking loser when they give up on me. Somehow, you invest time, care and all those shitty stuff that would make you miss that person so much. And you'll be sorry that you played with his feelings, cause in the end-- you've fallen in love with him and he decided to drop you and moved on with his life. Only then you would realize that IF only you've been different… IF only you gave it shot.. Things COULD have worked out and you'll find yourself in a relationship and not in a frigging game.