feel like talking
When I was on my way to my class, Jane texted me-- she said that Nanay Sally passed away. I felt sad losing Nanay Sally, she's one cool lola-- she would always worry bout me going home whenever Jane and I visit her in Sta. Mesa years ago. Simultaneously, i felt a throb of excitement-- I thought that this could be an opportunity for Jane to come home and see me. So I texted back my condolences and asked who's coming home for the interment. She replied that Nanay, Tatay and Dada (Mom, Dad, and Sister of Tato-- her in laws) would be coming over. She didn't say anything bout her coming home. Did what i feel bad? I would have texted Jen-Jen some more but I don't have enough credits to spare, aside from the fact that I really don't know what to say.
I am afraid to think about -- or rather I refuse to entertain the idea that we've become strangers to each other. I remember a dream that I had wherein she said that she's quite happy and adjusted to her life in New York. And it's so stupid of me to hold it against her. I mean, I should have just accept reality that her destiny lies in staying with her husband and my destiny is to stay right here, in this third world country. I do wonder at times... if we're still the same old friends-- and deep inside, I am scared that distance have let us grew apart. My brain refuses to heed and my heart is afraid to know the truth.
I guess I am just missing Jane and the old us. I miss our bitchy ways. I know I am losing my close friends. Jane is in New York. I haven't heard from Joy for a while-- No text, no whatever. Diane and Ailes are busy with work and with their significant others... whereas Judy... Judy is busy pursuing a career in legal practice. I don't know what's ahead of us, I don't know what would become of me in the next couple of months. I am missing the camaraderie and the warmth that I have grown accustomed to. I've tried looking for a new set of friends-- but the SPP girls have come along way with me. I am just not sure if we are strong enough to stand the test of time and distance.
I love reminiscing old times -- sharing laughs and old jokes. Talking about things that are shared only with good friends. Guess this is what Jane and Ailes were talking about during one of our "toma" sessions. They said that I should look for someone who would take care of me-- cause time will come that they would be busy leading their own lives. This is it. It finally come. They are busy with work and boyfriends and here I am, not entirely alone but without sharing it with friends, it is nevertheless--lonesome.
It is painful when you realize that you miss the people you literally grew up with. Yep, sometimes you could not possible classify our conversations to the level of intellectual greatness but they were educational, informative and fun. Am i being selfish for wishing the life that we had back then?
I am thinking very hard of what made us stick together-- what is that factor common to all of us that made us friends.. and i guess it is the Zest for life... the passion to live... the determination to make it out here.... the commitment to have fun while learning. Yes.. I guess those were the things that is common to my friends and I.
We are fighting our battles on our own-- we have our own issues to solve, fears to conquer and life to lead.
Darn... we finally grow up.
posted by jaded fool @ 7:49 PM
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