don't want to, but have to
my cough is bothering me so much. i can't get through an hour without barking like a high dog. while on the way to work, i've thought about a friend who offered me medicines... hmmmm.. for a minute there, i had this desire to call her and demand from her cough medicines. then i remembered the clinic.. yep, i could drop in there to have my lungs checked and get some medicines too. But I remembered that few weeks ago, i was asked by the doctor to go down once a week to have my blood pressure checked.
then i remembered how i hated going to the doctors, knowing they would just tell me stuff that i don't want to hear. Also, i remember those times when I have to do things that i don't really want to do.. like seeing the doctor (cause the things they tell me are the same.. "diet... lose weight...you're big.. you'll be like your parents.."), like tucking in during CAT training when i was in high school.. like getting on that weight something to discover how big i was then (btw, i'm way bigger now)... and those things that i did half-heartedly because i have to do them as a pre-requisite to pass the subject, graduate, or get in the company.
maybe i did them because i just don't have the guts to defy them... inside, i fear defiance because i dont want to be responsible for my actions.
yep.. that might be it.
posted by jaded fool @ 9:08 AM
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