maningning
Last night.. my mind wandered off again... and my thoughts led me to maningning. Remember her? I have written about her sometime ago. She was an architect who killed herself because of love. She was also an Artist and a woman, among others. Then, I could not understand why she had to kill herself just because she was brokenhearted. I found it lame.. and narrowminded. But everything has changed now. My thoughts about love.. my thoughts about her pain... now, i have come to understand. I've become aware of the feeling of lost, failure and desperation. I used to think low of people who've tried to commit suicide because they're brokenhearted... I never did understand how they felt..well.. until now.
Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable that you just want to end it. Your memories are all over making you remember the used to be's and wonder the what could have beens... No, I don't have any plans of committing suicide, idiot. My point is.. now.. I understand the predicaments of a brokenhearted person. The numerous sleepless nights.. the flow of the tears that doesn't seem to end. The pain that is slowly killing you inside. The envious and longing looks you bestow other couples.. *sigh* and that deep yearning that you guys will eventually get back together.
They said that it's all a habit.. but i beg to differ... love or relationship can never be a habit. A decision to be with someone is not a habit you acquire. It is a decision, a commitment that you are willing to share your life with your special someone. So when everything else fails.. you can never say, it's just a habit that you can unlearn. You can never unlearn to love somebody. Never.
Maningning has long been gone. But the tragedy of a lost love still goes on. The healing process is still painstakingly long and the the idea of a new love is as bleak as a snowstorm. I wonder when these tears would end..I wonder if you guys understand what I am feeling.
posted by jaded fool @ 7:15 AM
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