puta
just when you want to forget, people just keep on making you remember... my family keeps on asking me where guia is.. fuck..I don't know. I don't want to care anymore.. It is time for me to move on, lead my own life... think of myself perhaps. ME, me, and only ME. I don't have to worry about her health, her financial problems.. her emotional baggages... it is time to face my own problems... my own emotional baggages. But people around me makes it hard... Isn't it enough that I am in pain? Why do they keep on asking for someone who is not here? I want to tell them gui is not coming here.. not now, not ever.
It was the saddest Christmas because I lost gui.. well.. come to think of it, almost every year i always lose Gui.. but I think this year it's permanent. Though I am grieving for my lost, yet there are still a lot to be thankful for. I mean.. I got my dream, I have work, and I have friends who loves me eventhough well in their own words, naligaw ako ng landas. Haay.. it felt so right and yet they all think its wrong. Pero what the heck, I had my way.. yun nga lang it ended like this. hehe..
So anyway, aside from people asking me guia's whereabouts.. I have to answer the kid's questions why she isn't here to spend the holidays with us, when is she coming over.. I feel like choking when nanay or ate would ask me something about Gui. and there's the misa de gallo.. there-- in a sea of nameless faces, I encountered Tito Jeff. HE too did ask where Guia is, and all I can say is she's there... smile and greet Tito a merry christmas. It was nerve wracking... and I've never felt loneliness the way I did last night...
But it's another day.. Another year. Before I crossover.. I'm going to do a big change in my life. And I am looking forward to it. There's no other way but to go up.. move forward. Live life.
These too shall come to pass, just like the rest...
posted by jaded fool @ 11:21 AM
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