rants and ramblings

confession

Man is the only specie that enjoys lovemaking. Some say that having intercourse is an important factor of life. That you have to start early to be able to enjoy it to the fullest. And there are times that I even consider myself getting laid just for the sake of "enjoying". But that is so unlike me. I'm not willing enough to engage in casual sex… and I do not want to do it if I am not yet ready. Hehee.. But then, I'm 25 years old.. I'm way over ready. But being ready physically is not as important as being ready emotionally.

Emotional preparedness and maturity is important. So that whatever the outcome of the said act would be-- I will be able to deal with it properly and suffer the consequences accordingly. Sometimes, I wonder how it feels.. and what it would be like. Is it really wonderful? Is it really irrepressible? I do not want to take the chance. I do not know if I'm preserving myself for the right man.. In the first place, I'm not even sure if Mr. Right do really exist. Theoretically speaking, I can agitate fornication with anybody, not to mention get engaged in a discussion about it. I can convince them and lead them to think that I'm such a liberated miss. I'm liberated with the way I talk and the way that my mind thinks. But where my liberality starts that’s also where it ends.

Sometimes, I just find myself wondering if that is immaturity on my part -- saying things that I don't mean. Cause you can really classify my view regarding free sex under that classification. Or it could probably be that I haven't met the right one yet.. The one who will take the consequences off my mind and just let me enjoy the heat.. The warm, fuzzy feeling.. And the sweat of course. And there are even times that I feel embarrassed cause I'm still "intact" and can't share much.

Should I be writing about this stuff? I might regret it later but what do I care, I need to know myself.. And my point of view regarding sex. No, I don’t hate copulation. In fact, I can't wait to have some.. My curiosity is way beyond its limits. I'm reading too much, seeing too much and hearing too much. Sooner or later, I know I would give in to temptation. A long time ago, I took the SEX TEST over the net --and according to the result. I would have my first sexual encounter @ 24 years old (which turned out to be false) and it would be in a hotel (which is another falsehood). And in my lifetime, I would only have sex with 2 guys. Personally, the results were not very inspiring.

When I turned 24 years old, I was so excited that finally.. I would be err.. Breached. I have found a man willing enough to put his life at stake.. But that excitement didn't give me any result. Months passed -- and then I just find myself celebrating my 25th birthday. The man, who's willing enough to do the job, gave up on me. He got restless and got tired of waiting for my decision. I am not sorry that I wasted a year of his life. He wasted mine as well. He said that I'm such a tease. I must admit that I am and I can really be such. I tease but not willing to deliver. But where’s the fun after you have delivered? I guess he is not the one, as simple as that.

I do have moments when my sensuality is really really way beyond my head. I will not pretend that I just close my eyes and pray. I do have my ways and means. Now is not just the right time to discuss how I overcome such situations.

Sex is always wonderful when there is love. Without love -- it can be disappointing cause it will always be based on performance. I will give myself another year. I do not want to get old knowing not how to properly hold a male reproductive organ. I want to die knowing in my self that I have done everything I can.. Enjoyed all the things that I can.. I have experienced all there is in life.

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This one is an article that I'm going to pass in a newspaper... 'm not sure if it will pass the quality control or if ever it make sense... What the heck.....i need to blah.. :)