feeling blah
There's nothing significant with my entry tonight.. I just feel like talking and blabbering. =)
I was wondering what's with the month of October.. Cause it seems that my pare and I got the knack of fighting during this month. Yep.. We're not talking. I just don't know what happened.. Maybe I was at fault also for being grumpy. I have said my apologies and I am not ready to swallow the darn pride at the moment.. I guess this is the way it is to be. That's what I'm holding on to right now. I have to take care of the "ego", just like what men used to do. I don't like how it feels but I know that I will be fine. One day, I'll be able to forget about everything and I'll be back to my old self. (Whom am I kidding? Nothing stays the same.. ) Pride is something not nice but is definitely a part of human nature. And sometimes, no matter how much you care for a certain person, you just have to realize that you should love yourself too. Loving doesn’t mean that you have to look like a fool.. Loving doesn't mean that you should forget everything about yourself. Loving doesn't mean closing your eyes to the truth. (Nye! what does love got to do with this anyway?) I guess what I'm trying to say is that-- sometimes, you need your pride to prevent yourself from being totally destroyed. Self-preservation is good also. It helps you respect yourself even if you are lonely.
This one is about love. While I was on my way back home early this morning.. a thought came into my mind. For so long, I have fervently prayed for someone to come into my life and simply sweep me off my feet. And sometimes, I even feel sad cause unlike other people -- I got nobody. Well.. Today, I have decided that I will no longer "look" for him, whoever he is. I will just live my life as I should and enjoy it as much as I can. I would stop wishing for a fairy tale in a while and live my life according to what God has planned for me. I have come to accept that if someone is meant for me, then he will find me. But at the present, I don't want to be a hopeless romantic anymore. I need a time out from love stories and all those mushy and icky stuff. I need a break. I still listen to love songs but definitely that is for my heart- so that it will not forget that, love is still essential to mankind. But I know, deep in my veins.. That I'll welcome the intrusion anytime he feels like dropping in. =) Hehehe! This is a happy entry don't you think?
posted by jaded fool @ 12:24 AM
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