rants and ramblings

and the world stopped

Today is monday.
Another day, another week. New chance to grow. New life to live.

I find it very hard to deal with my emotions lately. I am not a coffee drinker but I am always nervous and on guard. If only I could build a wall around me and around my heart.

Hmm.. how do I say it?

I am becoming the person I hate. and I am feeling sad about it. My emotions and thoughts of self-preservation made me commit things that I don't really approve of. But I don't have any choice. It is me or that person. And I don't think it is fair for me to think of that person at this time when I had been doing that for the last three years. *sigh*

She's asking me back. My world stopped. I could not believe the words that she was saying. "Are you really here?" I was thinking out loud. My heart was ecstatic.. but my mind... my mind doubted everything. My heart begged for a reprieve.. just this day.. let me enjoy the moment.. let me feel it again.. let me savor each breathing minute of it. My heart could have stopped beating and it would not care.

My mind yielded. My heart took control. I let my guards down. Yes.. I am guilty of that.

Then that person left-- just like the wind.. one moment it was there and then its gone. But I am still thankful, that even for a brief moment-- reality was put on hold. Siya.. ako.. Kami.

Good things never lasts and when reality came back .. it was like a slap on my face.
Siya ay siya at ako ay ako. Wala nang kami. Hindi na yun magbabago.

goodnight kulasisi.. I just want to share that with you, not that it changed anything.