40 days and counting
today we celebrate nanay's 40th day. According to my sources, this is the day my nanay would go to heaven. Our day started with a 6 o'clock mass... then we proceeded to visit her. We stayed there for a while.. talking to her as if she was in front of us. I still find it hard to talk to her in the past tense.. it feels like choking.. arghh..
Up to this moment-- I am still in denial. I have not yet accepted the fact that my Nanay is gone forever. In my mind-- it's all temporary.. that everything is just a bad dream.. it's like she's just in the market-- or doing errands or visiting relatives. In my heart-- she will be back..and everything will be alright.
I am afraid that I would forget everything about her. What if one day I'll think of her and I would not remember how she smells... or those things that only senses can explain. I am afraid for the coming of that day. please do pray for us.. pray for me and my family.
Some of our relatives dropped by-- and prayed with us. We shared lunch and variety of "rice cakes". I know nanay is peaceful and happy... but that thought does not relieve me of my bitterness towards life, hospitals, and doctors. It does not relieve me of this grief.
we take life on a daily basis.. we count each day as it passes by.
it is hard to lose someone you can't replace.
posted by jaded fool @ 9:12 PM
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