Grrr.. Aborted.
I do not have any plans of writing today. It is not included in my itinerary. In fact, what i had in mind is to sing my lungs out while drinking my apple flavored beer.. That is after i am done doing the grocery. What pushed me to write is the talk with my older sister on the way home. She pissed me off big time.
Earlier today i told her about how i love the thought of living in a metropolized province. On our way home, i told her i shouldve taken the offer of the regional director. I was surprised by her answer because it was not just stupid.. It was selfish as well! She told me, pano naman kami ni tatay.. Tatatlo na nga lang tayo. I got angry and said, ano ba! The world is so big para magkuyungyungan tayong tatlo jan sa bulacan!! She then answered, pano tatay mo.. So i replied, tatay went to discover the world at the age of 17. Alam mo yun? Growing up doesnt mean i will forget this family. I just want to explore my world! Expand my knowledge! Learn a new language or culture.. Meet new people!
Its a moment that i wished nanay is still here. I know she would let me grow.. My ate is aborting me and my growth as a human being. Please God, dont make me hate my family but please help them accept and understand that I need to grow on my own. I need my own space and i need to make use of my time wisely. Please stop them from blackmailing me. I just want to experience life the way i want it to be.
Its so frustrating that i am feeling this way. I feel like a captive. All these years, their love has grown to selfishness. If you are reading this, i need help. Please help me. Free me.
posted by jaded fool @ 7:27 PM
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