rants and ramblings

mirror mirror

"mirror, mirror hanging on the wall..."

so..what is the next step? move on little by little... and eventhough I see lots of things that reminds me of my past, no matter how painful each memory brings..I have to let them all slip away. Now my inspiration is totally out of my reach-- I thought I need a new one, FAST. But I don't heal that way-- I am not yet ready to stake my heart on the line again... I'm still recovering. I need to be on my own.

She was my first. We were talking yesterday at the office and I heard someone mentioned that the First is really hard to forget. And then--when the right one comes along..and you would think of your First and cringe.. and then you will laugh your head out cause you'd wonder what made you fall for that person in the first place. But mine is different-- maybe because it's still fresh. I think of my first and I feel so much pain cause it didn't work out for us.

I was willing to kick society and its expectations in the ass. I had that courage to defy not only the will of my friends-- but the will of my family (in case they will not understand). I was that deeply in love. I never expected I could be this passionate about love and commitment. I never expected I could fall this deep. Mahirap pala umahon. But I don't want to love half-heartedly... cause what's the sense in that? So in the meantime-- I just have to be single/not looking.

I could have been selfish and made my way through... I could be persistent.. determined...typical makulit.. but I respect Carms. But you know? If I were on her shoe-- I was still young... legal.. I would have done the same things for Her. I would be there 24/7. I would want you to see that I am the best for you. I would try my best to make you fall in love with me. Sometimes, its not even love anymore-- but rather the knowledge that you have the power to snatch this person away from the one he/she truly loves. Naging kabit naman din ako... kulasisi nga di ba? Well.. Carms won.. she discovered her weaknesses-- and she was able to snatch the one I love from me. Of course, when everything has gone from bad to worst-- you have that guilt that you cause all misery in this world.