the day that it was
it's 12.12 am now in my clock. my birthday had come and gone.. i had a nice time being entertained by my friends.. and it felt nice how they badly wanted to celebrate this day with me. but i had to leave one so i could cater another... that had always been my life.
i'm lucky to have my friends.. they don't get tired whenever i talk about my life.. my relationship.. endless stories about G and P and the events that transpired between then and now.
all day i had been checking my mails.. maybe i was hopeful that G would send a short note greeting me.. but there was nothing. it made me feel sad not because she had intentionally forgotten my birthday..but it was more because she had decided to forget about nanay.
from time to time i browse through her journal reading entries about me.. how i have hurt her.. how she hates me.. and how futile it is to fight the world for a love that seemed to be doomed from the very beginning. her last entry was about comfort.. how hard it is for me to leave my comfort zone. but that is not the issue you see.. it is my obligation that make me stay here. it's the fact that i'd be alone somewhere and the reality that they need my help here. i want a home, not some empty apartment in the city. she's way too high that no matter how hard i try to reach for her.. my hands would just be grasping air.
she prayed for strength.. and i promised myself never to go back to her journal. i guess her prayer has been answered.
she moved on.
it's 12.20 now.. 20 minutes past my birthday. it would have been wonderful... you know?
posted by jaded fool @ 12:07 AM
<< Home