Science of heartbreak
Love is a drug and Heartbreak is your body in withdrawal.
Labels: love, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 4:42 AM
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Sunday, February 07, 2016
3 missed calls
3 missed calls from M made me feel uneasy. I want to take it off my mind but I want to be reminded that at one time-- she tried to reach me. I have to tell myself that It didn't matter. But who am I kidding? It did matter and it played my mind. Hay buhay pag-ibig. Im thankful for my friends and these new memories. Now, im holding on to prayer. I know God has my back.
Im a fucking retard when it comes to the matters of the heart.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 1:41 PM
Thursday, February 04, 2016
Ouch
Lahat ng kaya kong ibigay, alam ko hindi nya tatanggapin.
Labels: love
posted by jaded fool @ 8:31 AM
Tuesday, February 02, 2016
Day 9
I'm dragging the days.
I found myself humming to the song Love will find a way. Despite its beautiful melody and lyrics, I can't help but to feel hopeless. At the back of my mind, someone is telling me Yeah, right! Or akala mo lang yun, sometimes it does not. Ang agang bitter di ba?
Yesterday, i tried going back online. Saw familiar nicks that made me cringe. To me, they're just a bunch of plastics. But they dominate the room talking intelligently about non-sensical things. Then I met this one person, she said something that made me hope that she is Med then immediately after, I hoped not. Cause then, I would have broken the NCs that I committed to. But it was refreshing to talk to someone, to share your thoughts freely.
I was okay for a short while then I felt lonely all over again.
All is well heart, all is well.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:16 AM
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Day 7
It is the fear of having no one that I need to shake off. Last night, I read about affirmations. With the help of youtube-- I was able to get a video. Im crafting my own affirmations to help me everyday.
1. All is well.
2. Im ready to meet new people
3. I am loved by kind and positive people.
4. I am alright.
5. I will experience more adventures by travelling.
6. I have a loving, kinder, richer, intelligent and good looking partner.
I will have to add more in the coming days.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:45 AM
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Day 6
I went out tonight. My co-workers were kind enough to take me under their wings. I guess they had a clue but I never knew we were that transparent.
They know what med was to me. And they commiserate this current situation that I am in. We went to Makati, of all places. Drove by Kamagong and the firetrucks where I used to drop her off when we were just starting. I also saw elba's place. They have a studio room for rent again and I did wonder if it were the old pad where we cheated on TT.
It's so hard to be in Makati at this time, seeing the old places that we went to. The salon where we had our pedicures and the fast food where we used to eat.
Ang sakit.
But I did not cry because I know-- there is nothing in this world that could bring her back. She told me that much and I believe her.
On our way home,Erwin said something to me. He said that God will not give me something that I cant overcome. He is all I have. And I guess I have everything pero sana he can take away this pain. I hope I will stop missing her. I will unlearn to love her.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 2:07 AM
Friday, January 29, 2016
Day 5
Im going out with friends/co-workers today and will be visiting the Chinese store in binondo for some lucky charms. I'm turning 39 this year, which in the chinese calendar is a bad number. Since I don't want to die yet-- I need to get some lucky charms. And I will be throwing in some charms for love too.
It's a better day today. I started my shake and look forward to my walking exercises. The book Im reading helps. It make me understand and realize the dead relationship. It also emphasize the importance of not settling.
I remember this from last night's reading: the universe hates a vacuum. Whatever is loss will surely be replaced.
Labels: love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 10:37 AM
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Day 3 or 4
I think this is the most painful day yet. I woke up missing her and longing for her, wishing this painful thing did not happen to us. I feel a pain in my chest and it is something not physical. Then I remember, it's been a week since we broke up.
Hay naku.
Labels: love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 6:09 AM
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Day 3
I started listening to meditations from Youtube and today I will start my physical healing. I will get back one day at a time.
The thing is Im feeling really angry at med for lying, hurting and rejecting me. Thoughts of her brings anger not hurt. I hope I can understand why this is so. I am embracing the fact that I will need to meet new people, go out by myself, enjoy again my own company.
Labels: love, NC, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 5:49 AM
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Day 2
When you have been replaced because you stopped being fun. What a shallow reason to break up, huh? Sadness visited me today, in the middle of my work, i had to write it down.
Im sad. Because I got scared of myself. That she could wake that monster in me. I forgot who I was.m or Where I am. It consumed me. Anger, frustration and the hurtful truth that I have been lied to. It went up to my head, filling me with so much pain I had been sleepless that night. I dont want to see that side of me again, im afraid of her and what she's capable of.
Im sad because I cannot trust her again and had no choice but to let her go. Yes, I dream of her crawling back.. It's tempting but I need to spare myself that anger. In time, just like the past I'll probably talk to her again. Or not.
Labels: love, NC, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 3:24 PM
Monday, January 25, 2016
Finding good.
The good thing about getting your heart broken again is the fact that it supersedes past heart aches.
Labels: love, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:54 AM
Sleepless
I was not able to get my much needed rest because I uncovered some awful truth. It sucks that even in my sleep, the nightmare continued. God is still good, He gave me the truth that Im looking for. He prevented me from being used for the convenience of others. Such a heartless act,isn't it? Using someone for your interests.
She would contact me when she feels like it and I will be left here moping about our dead relationship. I will run after her and will look really needy and pathetic. She wanted to transform me into someone I am not. Heartless.
It will be a struggle to accept the fact that I have been cheated on.. but karma will get her for me. With God on my side, I will bounce back.
Labels: ikaw kasi, love, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 4:58 AM
Saturday, January 23, 2016
For my one
Hello. I have waited for you. Been to a lot of heartaches just to find you. While waiting for you I listed the things that I think I need to do to make our relationship work. These are the areas where I failed in my past. So in case im varying from this list, please embrace me and tell me that I am becoming a monster. It is important for me to know so I can correct myself.
1. I promise not to be masungit;
2. I promise to handle stressful situations with grace so no cursing;
3. I promise to trust you so please do not break it;
4. I hate broken promises but i will listen to your explanation before i feel hurt or get angry;
5. I will prioritize your happiness;
6. Have an open line to discuss even most unpleasant things;
7. I promise to take care of you and love you;
8. I will do my best to make you laugh.
9. I will love those who you love.
10. I will be polite and treat you with kindness. If there are times that I am being rude or misbehaving, pls call my attention politely. Remind me that you love me and I promise to listen.
Its a long struggle.. but I know you will find me. Come find me.
Labels: love, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 12:53 AM
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
this old heart of mine
my heart is sick. i am too old for this. i want stability in my life. i want to belong to someone.. who no matter what will always love and care for me. i do hope that i will survive this heartbreak yet again.
Labels: love, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 12:55 PM
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Inner Change
Thank God, Pope Francis arrived safely in Vatican. Nope, I did not see him personally. I watched everything happened on the tube. Just when everybody wants to go to Manila, I decided to pack my bags and go hibernate.
But something happened in me.
As I watch him arrive, as I hear him speak. My heart listened. I realized that I'm doing very poorly in my spiritual life. Yes, I always pray...but I know now that it's not enough. I want to do something.. I want to be part of something big. I have been living in a small, limited world.
When Pope John Paul II died. It seems I relied on myself for my spiritual nurturing. Yes, we hear mass (occasionally) but listening to the word without any action is just incomplete. What I am doing is not enough. When I heard Pope Francis speak.. he spoke with my heart, he made me understand that all senses must work harmoniously. Speak Well, Feel Well and Do Well. I will keep on dreaming. I pray that I will never lose the desire to dream.
Do not worry Papa Franciscus, I will do my best. I will keep searching and with the guidance of the Joseph, Mary and Jesus, we will succeed.
Thank you for your time Pope Francis, May God protect you and keep you. We pray for your health and long life. We love you.
But something happened in me.
As I watch him arrive, as I hear him speak. My heart listened. I realized that I'm doing very poorly in my spiritual life. Yes, I always pray...but I know now that it's not enough. I want to do something.. I want to be part of something big. I have been living in a small, limited world.
When Pope John Paul II died. It seems I relied on myself for my spiritual nurturing. Yes, we hear mass (occasionally) but listening to the word without any action is just incomplete. What I am doing is not enough. When I heard Pope Francis speak.. he spoke with my heart, he made me understand that all senses must work harmoniously. Speak Well, Feel Well and Do Well. I will keep on dreaming. I pray that I will never lose the desire to dream.
Do not worry Papa Franciscus, I will do my best. I will keep searching and with the guidance of the Joseph, Mary and Jesus, we will succeed.
Thank you for your time Pope Francis, May God protect you and keep you. We pray for your health and long life. We love you.
Labels: God is good, love, moments, my thoughts exactly, prayer, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 8:10 AM
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
the magnificent
hello blogger, it's been a long time huh? I have been stable for the past months.. however, something huge happened at the start of the year. I'm still waiting and all I have is my faith in God that he will see me through this. Then time went by... I've been to Cagayan de Oro, the Province of Quezon and other places. But the most memorable yet is my chance to meet the most magnificent volcano in the whole world. This month we conducted our yearly conference at Bicol Region. There I met one of the items I only saw from my textbooks. Hehe. So I immediately grabbed my phone and took this shot. I was so mesmerized. :)
Next stop is the 100 islands! Hehe.
Next stop is the 100 islands! Hehe.
Labels: dreams, God is good, love, my thoughts exactly, work related angst
posted by jaded fool @ 5:00 PM
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
find your best friend
I've always felt that the best marriages are between people who are best friends. Having that foundation is everything. The advice I give to others is that you should always look for your best friend, because things could flourish and lead to something you might have never expected. It may actually take you by surprise that what you've always looked for might be right in front of you.-- quoted from yahoo.
aww...sweet. :)
Labels: dreams, God is good, life, love, moments, relationships, winner
posted by jaded fool @ 2:25 PM
Monday, April 15, 2013
etc. etc..
Kuya and his family will be migrating soon.. and i must admit that I would miss my niece and nephew the most. They could be a handful but they made Tatay and us very happy. We are afraid (Ate and I) that once the kids leave, Tatay would get bored and would be left with nothing to do. For one, Ate would not have her pamangkins to spoil and to bring to the mall.. I hope we get to join them soon. I need to work on it and It will take a lot.. but I just need to focus on that target, aim, and let go. :) On a brighter note, I had Bogart blessed yesterday then we (My Kuya and his family) attended the mass. I should go to church every weekend.. (im just saying, right?) I have to admit that the blessing made the difference. it's like the devil was shunned out. hehe. April 29 is just too soon.Labels: family, God is good, love, my thoughts exactly, winner
posted by jaded fool @ 9:24 AM
Sunday, March 24, 2013
6 years na
Today marks the 6th death anniversary of Nanay. We moved on and learned to live without her. i know life is better had she been with us.. i still miss her and i hate the fact that i had forgotten how she sounded. early this month kuya was able to have his vhs transferred to cds/dvd. I saw Nanay but it seems i cant understand a thing she said except for her laughter. i don't want to forget. probably, next time i watch it i could go back to that time when everything was how it should be.i love you nay.
Labels: family, love, my thoughts exactly
posted by jaded fool @ 12:15 AM
