nanay
today is nanay's 3rd death anniversary. i just had a mass said for her today at Quiapo church around 8am. i was not able to visit her since i had to spend most of my life in that cubicle today. i was not crying or anything but i am sure not happy. there were a lot of birthdays today, (i discovered at least 2 celebrations)..but unlike them who are celebrating their life, i am commemorating the loss of my mother.
sabi ng iba masasanay daw ako.. i've been trying for 3 years now.. i miss you nay, sometimes when i am being selfish, i wish you didn't have to go. i play everything in my head and analyze where we had gone wrong. i could have done something to prevent losing you.. i miss you when i am downthrodden..but i miss you the most when i am happy. it is an incomplete existence without you nay. i'll be turning 33 this friday-- the same age that you gave birth to me. la lang..nasabi ko lang. guide us everytime, don't make me fall.. sorry for the troubles that i caused.
i am afraid that one day i'd wake up and i would not remember how you smell or how you talk.. in fact, i can't remember now how you sound.. and that makes me sad.i look at your pictures all the time-- there i see a wonderful woman who had been my wall.. who always had my back.. someone who had loved me unconditionally.. and it breaks my heart to know she is gone. i don't know for how long i will feel this way..i do want to feel good but i do not want to forget.
Labels: family, just venting out
posted by jaded fool @ 9:11 PM
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