over and done
there would come a point in our lives that we just get tired of doing the cycle. and i already reached that point. i got tired of being in the same situation, fighting the same odds over and over again. yesterday is the day i give up.
i know it was unexpected.. some may even consider it done in haste. but it was going on for months. and i always find myself to be here in the same position where it all started. alone. although i did consider myself taken (read: in a relationship) for a while.. i've spend most of it alone. i got too lonely. so depressingly lonely.
my friends patiently listened to my recurring stories.. everyday, every week.. or even on a monthly basis. i closed my eyes and ears to their opinions being the stubborn woman that i am. i want to be happy regardless of the price i had to pay. F self-worth, F self-respect... I was happy and that's all that matters.
if im willing to disregard sensibility then i must have really love her. looking back, i have never fought for G this way. and i realized had i've been this way with G, probably we would not have the problems that we had and we would still be together. it is amazing to discover that i am capable of giving more. but its too late to cry over spilled milk now. i could only learn from my failed relationships.
my friends assured me that i am not the problem, "ang mga minamahal mo ang problema." she said. contemplating on this statement-- what is wrong with the people that i love? how come they always end up treating me badly. On being single, "you might be lonely but then you are not in pain" one said. she said it's better to be alone than to be in a relationship and constantly be in pain. true, true.. but being in love is so... hmm i don't know.. addictive? LOL.
yesterday, i surrendered and gave up. P was shocked. But I'm tired. I don't want to be a mistress anymore. i actually want her to fight for me. i want her to prove to the world that it is me that she wants to be with. It is hopeless and getting nowhere. we are running in circles. yesterday i realized, i deserve more. it is just sad that she does not have a backbone. it is sad that she can't leave her past for me.the sad truth is she does not love me enough. nope...not enough. (ouch.) i don't want to continue waiting to see if the situation will improve. it's been months, so i know it would not get any better.
i'm in pain now but i know it will surely go away. in a month. a year. a lifetime. i will surely forget all about her.
Labels: love, moments, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 1:25 PM
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