Science of heartbreak
Love is a drug and Heartbreak is your body in withdrawal.
Labels: love, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 4:42 AM
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Monday, February 15, 2016
Random thoughts
Remember often our heartaches are meant to spur us into action to achieve better greater things in life!
-my friend J
Labels: relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 10:34 AM
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Last hurrah
Freedom is liberating they say. It's probably true to those who felt they are imprisoned. The freedom I received is not welcome but I am embracing it. Not wholly with acceptance but with the learning to give it value, to determine its worth before I give it up. My faith is not faltered. I still believe that my prayers will be granted. I have to re-learn to be patient and enjoy my life as an individual and a single human being.
I did not choose this. It was given to me. A gift probably. To rediscover myself and the things that I need to do. I will feel terrible in the coming days but God as my only anchor, I will withstand the pain of a lost love.
I am thankful for this chance. To be loved the way that she loved me. It didn't last but it will always be cherished and remembered.
Labels: God is good, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:19 PM
Friday, February 12, 2016
Peptalk
Hi, I know how you are feeling. Ain't this feeling of helplessness and hopelessness seemed familiar? You have been this road before and you survived. It will take time but eventually everything will be okay.
It's hard to lose someone you love and It's even harder to lose someone because they've found someone else. But that's just the way life is. There'll always be one person left behind. In love, sacrifices have to be made and it includes sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of other people. There will be days when you will feel so alone-- sad-- lonely-- but they will also pass. The one for you is out there-- probably undergoing the same thing you are experiencing now. When it is the right person, you will never find this road again. You will be with that person traversing a new road, a new direction. In the meantime, pray for the love that is infinite and eternal. A love that can withstand the test of anger, will remain faithful and passionate. When it comes, it is only then that you will understand why you have to go through these rough patches.
Believe that you are loved and you are worth it. You deserve the love that is hardcore. Believe that someone will come and sweep you off your feet. That person will strive everyday to court you and make you fall in love all over again. When you have found that love, you will understand why it did not work out with everybody else.
Be patient. Be alive. Fall in love with yourself. It is only when love is overflowing that you can love others. Inspire to make a difference. Strive to bring out the best in others. All these pain and worries are temporary. Believe. Have faith.
-at work, 11.16am.
Labels: God is good, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 11:17 AM
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Bridge of sighs
We will see each other tomorrow after office to talk. I am disheartened because I can sense she no longer wants to be with me. But Im not leaving no stone unturned.. I have to give this a shot.
I am scared. Lord, please help me. I am feeling so weak. Let your word be done Lord.. I am lifting everything to you. You are my miracle. I know you will favor my petition. I love you Lord.
Labels: relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 11:14 AM
Monday, February 08, 2016
Thankful
Dear God,
Thank you for this day. For the opportunity to spend it with my family and friend. I am grateful for today, it gave me the chance to make new memories. I love you God. I know you are making a miracle out of me and I will attest to your faithfulness. I am still a little sad but I made it today because you are with me. You are a loving God. I know you will give me someone as loving as you.
Please touch M's heart so she will change for the better. May she learn to give people second chances and may she be reminded that she was once a recipient of that opportunity.
It is unfair that I was not given the chance to change for the better but I know that I will understand your wisdom. It is important to forgive. It is important that you will look for the good in others. May she find the good in our memories.
I have forgiven her for breaking my heart.
I love you Lord. Please protect me and guide me.
Amen.
Labels: God is good, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 6:06 PM
Friday, February 05, 2016
Farewell
Tonight I ceremoniously bid farewell to Med. I slowly let the idea of goodbye sink in. It will be a test of my endurance as she's the only person I've known for two years. Tomorrow I'm looking forward to my new sunrise. With the grace of God, I will overcome.
I pray that God will touch Meds heart and remove all hurt or hatred towards me. May she remember that our relationship was not all bad.. That we had good times as well. May she finds it in her heart to forgive. May she learn to humble herself and always choose to love.
I love you Lord. Thank you for having my back.
Labels: NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 6:51 PM
Thursday, February 04, 2016
Random thoughts
You should be with someone who brings out the best in you.
Labels: God is good, NC, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 6:45 AM
Tuesday, February 02, 2016
Day 9
I'm dragging the days.
I found myself humming to the song Love will find a way. Despite its beautiful melody and lyrics, I can't help but to feel hopeless. At the back of my mind, someone is telling me Yeah, right! Or akala mo lang yun, sometimes it does not. Ang agang bitter di ba?
Yesterday, i tried going back online. Saw familiar nicks that made me cringe. To me, they're just a bunch of plastics. But they dominate the room talking intelligently about non-sensical things. Then I met this one person, she said something that made me hope that she is Med then immediately after, I hoped not. Cause then, I would have broken the NCs that I committed to. But it was refreshing to talk to someone, to share your thoughts freely.
I was okay for a short while then I felt lonely all over again.
All is well heart, all is well.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:16 AM
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Day 7
It is the fear of having no one that I need to shake off. Last night, I read about affirmations. With the help of youtube-- I was able to get a video. Im crafting my own affirmations to help me everyday.
1. All is well.
2. Im ready to meet new people
3. I am loved by kind and positive people.
4. I am alright.
5. I will experience more adventures by travelling.
6. I have a loving, kinder, richer, intelligent and good looking partner.
I will have to add more in the coming days.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:45 AM
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Day 6
I went out tonight. My co-workers were kind enough to take me under their wings. I guess they had a clue but I never knew we were that transparent.
They know what med was to me. And they commiserate this current situation that I am in. We went to Makati, of all places. Drove by Kamagong and the firetrucks where I used to drop her off when we were just starting. I also saw elba's place. They have a studio room for rent again and I did wonder if it were the old pad where we cheated on TT.
It's so hard to be in Makati at this time, seeing the old places that we went to. The salon where we had our pedicures and the fast food where we used to eat.
Ang sakit.
But I did not cry because I know-- there is nothing in this world that could bring her back. She told me that much and I believe her.
On our way home,Erwin said something to me. He said that God will not give me something that I cant overcome. He is all I have. And I guess I have everything pero sana he can take away this pain. I hope I will stop missing her. I will unlearn to love her.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 2:07 AM
Friday, January 29, 2016
Day 5
Im going out with friends/co-workers today and will be visiting the Chinese store in binondo for some lucky charms. I'm turning 39 this year, which in the chinese calendar is a bad number. Since I don't want to die yet-- I need to get some lucky charms. And I will be throwing in some charms for love too.
It's a better day today. I started my shake and look forward to my walking exercises. The book Im reading helps. It make me understand and realize the dead relationship. It also emphasize the importance of not settling.
I remember this from last night's reading: the universe hates a vacuum. Whatever is loss will surely be replaced.
Labels: love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 10:37 AM
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Day 3 or 4
I think this is the most painful day yet. I woke up missing her and longing for her, wishing this painful thing did not happen to us. I feel a pain in my chest and it is something not physical. Then I remember, it's been a week since we broke up.
Hay naku.
Labels: love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 6:09 AM
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Day 3
I started listening to meditations from Youtube and today I will start my physical healing. I will get back one day at a time.
The thing is Im feeling really angry at med for lying, hurting and rejecting me. Thoughts of her brings anger not hurt. I hope I can understand why this is so. I am embracing the fact that I will need to meet new people, go out by myself, enjoy again my own company.
Labels: love, NC, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 5:49 AM
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Day 2
When you have been replaced because you stopped being fun. What a shallow reason to break up, huh? Sadness visited me today, in the middle of my work, i had to write it down.
Im sad. Because I got scared of myself. That she could wake that monster in me. I forgot who I was.m or Where I am. It consumed me. Anger, frustration and the hurtful truth that I have been lied to. It went up to my head, filling me with so much pain I had been sleepless that night. I dont want to see that side of me again, im afraid of her and what she's capable of.
Im sad because I cannot trust her again and had no choice but to let her go. Yes, I dream of her crawling back.. It's tempting but I need to spare myself that anger. In time, just like the past I'll probably talk to her again. Or not.
Labels: love, NC, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 3:24 PM
Monday, January 25, 2016
Finding good.
The good thing about getting your heart broken again is the fact that it supersedes past heart aches.
Labels: love, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:54 AM
Sleepless
I was not able to get my much needed rest because I uncovered some awful truth. It sucks that even in my sleep, the nightmare continued. God is still good, He gave me the truth that Im looking for. He prevented me from being used for the convenience of others. Such a heartless act,isn't it? Using someone for your interests.
She would contact me when she feels like it and I will be left here moping about our dead relationship. I will run after her and will look really needy and pathetic. She wanted to transform me into someone I am not. Heartless.
It will be a struggle to accept the fact that I have been cheated on.. but karma will get her for me. With God on my side, I will bounce back.
Labels: ikaw kasi, love, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 4:58 AM
Saturday, January 23, 2016
For my one
Hello. I have waited for you. Been to a lot of heartaches just to find you. While waiting for you I listed the things that I think I need to do to make our relationship work. These are the areas where I failed in my past. So in case im varying from this list, please embrace me and tell me that I am becoming a monster. It is important for me to know so I can correct myself.
1. I promise not to be masungit;
2. I promise to handle stressful situations with grace so no cursing;
3. I promise to trust you so please do not break it;
4. I hate broken promises but i will listen to your explanation before i feel hurt or get angry;
5. I will prioritize your happiness;
6. Have an open line to discuss even most unpleasant things;
7. I promise to take care of you and love you;
8. I will do my best to make you laugh.
9. I will love those who you love.
10. I will be polite and treat you with kindness. If there are times that I am being rude or misbehaving, pls call my attention politely. Remind me that you love me and I promise to listen.
Its a long struggle.. but I know you will find me. Come find me.
Labels: love, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 12:53 AM
Erasing a habit-day1
So tonight I decided to start erasing Med from my system. I need to flush out everything about her. Today I sent her flowers with an apology note asking her to give us another try. That would be the last attempt. My brain is torned between fighting my way into the battle or start my journey alone.
We have been together for almost 2 years. Around 700 plus days. I hope I can make myself strong in facing challenges ahead and be victorious. Saka ko na iisipin ang pagkakaron ng partner, ang importante masanay na ako na wala sya.
This is day 1. I woke up and realized that if there is one thing i love about her-- it will be her acts of service and putting my happiness first. I realized that without it, i will be shortchanged. I know how mean she can be. Kung hindi ka niya mahal wala kang pwedeng ipagawa sa kanya. At kung ipipilit ko na magbalikan kami, alam ko - gagawin nya lahat ng gusto nya dahil wala syang pakielam kung sasayanba ako o hindi. Ayaw ko nun.
Labels: relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 12:22 AM
