ako at san mig in can
i can't sleep because of the shit that i am in. i cant sleep because i'm afraid of the nightmares. i cant sleep so i went to the fridge and drank tatay's last beer. straight. not even a second for a breath. i want it all in my system. i want to drown. i want to forget everything. this fear. this feeling of helplessness. i want it gone. but a mere can is not enough. i went back to the bedroom and got this laptop... i decided to write of the problems that i am facing now... i've thought of my past... i've thought of my present.. and with much dismay, i must say.. i am not ok.
for months now, i've tried so hard to stay away from G's journal. i don't want to know that she went there.. in that place and time where we were supposed to meet. i know she's doing better than i am... which i believe she truly deserve. after all the things that she has to go through because of me... she should have a better life that i have.
i wanted to ask her for help.. i wanted to ask her for solutions.. but it would be wrong.
what happened that month of May was something unexpected... but i got upset when she told me that her mother, sister and siblings like J more than me. it was a realization that i am no longer welcome in their family. i was not able to accept that.
when i saw her chatting at IRC..my heart thumped.. my heart knows. it's just it decided to play stupid. i smile at her answers... i smile because i my heart knows her whatever nick she might be using.
it was supposedly our 6th year yesterday. nakakahinayang.
!seen MarlBURNS
Labels: ikaw kasi, love, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 10:30 PM
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