rants and ramblings

ibagsak si gloria

Yesterday was not my career day. I got scolded by our director because of a blunder I made. I will not delve into the details as I really want to totally forget all about it. Anyway, I was called in the office, I got scolded, I admitted my fault and thought the worst was over. Around midmorning, the boss called for a meeting and announced to everybody the blunder that i made. Shitty right?

I wanted to hide.. I wanted to disappear.. I wanted be gone.

I wanted to be somewhere safe.. to be with the person who would tell me everything will be okay and committing a mistake is normal. I want that reassuring embrace that no matter how much i messed up-- it doesnt matter.

But there was no embrace, not even a message of support or empathy.

I was devastated. I was broken into a thousand pieces. I was disappointed in myself for again believing the lies thrown at me, my vulnerability to accept the words being told and my weakness to deny simple pleasures.

I cried the whole night thinking what on earth did I do to deserve this so much pain. I cried for all failed relationships.. I cried for dreams thats never going to be fulfilled.. I cried for everything that was beautiful for yesterday i finally become aware of my worth or its absence.

Labels: moments, work related angst