cluttered
why don't i just be honest and tell you what i really feel.
I feel like a mess.
my weekends started out great though. G and I were on the phone friday night. She offered to accompany me to do house hunting half the day because she got some meetings in the afternoon. Knowing that, i too made plans for saturday afternoon. Come saturday, she told me that her mom texted her and that mama needs to have an ultrasound. i asked if she wanted me to go..she said i decide. so i told her im coming with her. i went to mama's house and waited for G there. i can't believe i was scared of her during the early part of the relationship. I remembered going to their house only when mama is not around. hehe. i honestly think she has grown to love me all these years.
so there i was with her family again. like nothing happened. just like before. i was enjoying it a lot..in fact, i was trying to cancel my appointments in the afternoon.. and then her phone rang. i know it was her girlfriend and that hit me in the head. im stealing time from her again. so i said goodbye quite hurriedly to mama and left.
of course that made her angry. i asked G if she wanted me to stay. she did not answer. i know she was really angry at me. i told her that i hate the fact that she's no longer mine. and she called me self-centered. i broke down.
so i spent the rest of the day drinking. killing that pain with alcohol. talking. laughing emptily. my phone got busted that i have to borrow a phone so i could check my messages. i got one from G, apologizing for saturday's bout. i was touched and i said sorry too.
i feel like a mess because i wanted to stay with G but didn't. my cellphone gave up on me. (argh!). my internet connection at home sucks.
I could've saved myself from having too much alcohol which did not help me in any way (but i will drink again, promise!). I could've walked away. i should not have played with fire.
Labels: just venting out, moments
posted by jaded fool @ 8:04 AM
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