change
G has been making her presence felt quite actively for the past couple of days now. the stupid girl in me is wondering what's going on with her.. the bitch girl is wondering whether she's trying to ruin my peaceful existence.. the old me wondered if she wants me back.. and the new me is tired of entertaining thoughts of her.
this afternoon..she asked me a question:
Do you like the new you more than who you used to be?
I guess before I can answer that question, i have to know what's the difference between the old and new me because, frankly, i cannot.
I cannot see the changes that they're referring to. In all honesty, i still feel the same old me... hell, i still look the same. It feels like nothing has changed and the stuff that they're talking about are just like hallucinations. Know why? It's because I still feel that I'm the same old me.. deep inside... i would still yearn for my fairy tale.. i am still the bratty old me.. i would still be the beatch that they're referring to... i'm still the stubborn daughter.. the bratty sister ... the bitchy friend.. the strict tita.. and the laid back employee that i always am.
I changed emotionally though. I used to be insensitive (they still accuse me of this.. ) but I am really trying my best to be sensitive to other people's feelings now... i appreciate all acts of kindness... i acknowledge and exert effort not because it was expected of me but because i want to. I'm no longer afraid of showing my emotions...However, when jealousy or a pang of hurt or pain hits me-- everything crashes down and I would be back to my old sentimental self.
Work and Financial changes..well that part of me is a mess. LoL. But i'll pull through. I have to or else I'd be in deep shit.
I don't want to be the insensitive, unappreciative, effortless person that i was... because that person continuously hurt G.. but i'd love to work on my financial and occupational changes...the sooner the better.
Labels: just venting out, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 7:03 PM
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