confession
i remembered trying hard to be number one. yep, numero uno. but then the irony of my life include taking the backseat and let others enjoy the spotlight. my reality is accepting the fact that i would always be second best.. my ate would always be the perfect daughter... a cousin is prettier.. another is brighter.. it's living a life that's almost there. almost but not quite.
so i stopped trying all together, since no matter how hard i try this would be my lot in the world.
but it was not like that all the time, mind you.
i was a number one in love. however, it was also the time that i realized that when there is a number one, there could be a number two, a number three, a number four and so it goes. so being number one is really not a secured state. with that being said, i never did expect to become a number 2. i never expected that i would find myself in this situation. i know i deserve to be in a better situation.. ironic isn't it? i left the opportunity to become number one to be a number two.
it was not supposed to be like this you see... we were free when we got together. but P's ever present ex made a number 2 out of me. I'm tired of all the drama. i'm tired of feeling like second best. I deserve to be the only one. And I asked my friend about it.. she said "if these people would only know your worth and would give you a chance, you're more than enough..". ewan.
If i am more than enough.. how come i'm here? how come the pain and the trials seemed so endless? i just want to be loved. to be happy. to be in a stable and secure relationship.
P said she's really trying her best to resolve everything... all i know is that their unfinished business is way too many that i know they would never let go of each other. i had told her that i do hope someday she'll make me understand why things had to be this way. but honestly, i don't know how much more i could take. im feeling the tiredness on my shoulders and the pain in my chest becomes more excruciating everyday.
it's frustrating to be in this situation.
Labels: just venting out, love, moments, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 5:32 PM
<< Home