update
it's the 23rd of December and i am in the Office. Everybody has gone to their christmas holidays-- and i am here.. trying to figure out whether i should open this case file here. I don't feel like working at all. What i want to do is ransack the market and get everybody something not really expensive but special. The office is quiet.. not much activity is going on.. and it's going to be like this until next week. so anyway, i have been reading and i have been listening. and after all those self-nurturing, I had my 1st test yesterday and I think i failed it. Why? cause no matter how much reading i do, there's just no getting over my G.
reading and learning made me realize that i am also a bananahead. I am using other people as an escape. escape from what you might ask.. escape from the fact that on my own, i will never be able to stand for myself or for what i want cause i am too scared to hurt my Tatay, Ate or any of the members of my nuclear family. So when i eneter into a relationship..whether its bad or otherwise, i use that relationship as my escape. I have admitted that before.. they are my refuge when i am tired of my rural life. That is precisely the reason why despite the fact that a person has done me harm -- I just can't give up my escape route. in the process, i look for an absorber that can give me the same escape so i can let go of whatever is coming my way. that is why i am a bananahead (i think).
second lesson, i have to write down everything I love.. I love:
to have someone hold my hand securely.
smile from people i don't really know (not the malicious type..heller..)
traffic free road
people free mall
short lines
chocolates
giving
receiving gifts
able to buy things
seeing people i want to see
spending quality time with people i love
san miguel light
peanuts
cars
beautiful houses
happy family
hassle free workplace
outputs
friends
spending time with friends
moolah
shoes
bags
perfumes
happiness
strength
courage
overcoming trials
living up to expectations
kind boss
loving sister
doting father
hassle free ride home
food
health
gadgets
travelling
airplane
beaches
sunny sky
white sand
trinkets
kissing
embracing
loving wife
good friend
beautiful movies
books
singing
me.
this is my list so far. hope it expands in the near future. advance merry christmas to all. :)
Labels: family, funny, ikaw kasi, just venting out, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 11:16 AM
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