Look at her
posted by jaded fool @ 1:49 PM
Tuesday, March 08, 2016
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Science of heartbreak
Love is a drug and Heartbreak is your body in withdrawal.
Labels: love, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 4:42 AM
Monday, February 15, 2016
Random thoughts
Remember often our heartaches are meant to spur us into action to achieve better greater things in life!
-my friend J
Labels: relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 10:34 AM
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Last hurrah
Freedom is liberating they say. It's probably true to those who felt they are imprisoned. The freedom I received is not welcome but I am embracing it. Not wholly with acceptance but with the learning to give it value, to determine its worth before I give it up. My faith is not faltered. I still believe that my prayers will be granted. I have to re-learn to be patient and enjoy my life as an individual and a single human being.
I did not choose this. It was given to me. A gift probably. To rediscover myself and the things that I need to do. I will feel terrible in the coming days but God as my only anchor, I will withstand the pain of a lost love.
I am thankful for this chance. To be loved the way that she loved me. It didn't last but it will always be cherished and remembered.
Labels: God is good, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:19 PM
Friday, February 12, 2016
Peptalk
Hi, I know how you are feeling. Ain't this feeling of helplessness and hopelessness seemed familiar? You have been this road before and you survived. It will take time but eventually everything will be okay.
It's hard to lose someone you love and It's even harder to lose someone because they've found someone else. But that's just the way life is. There'll always be one person left behind. In love, sacrifices have to be made and it includes sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of other people. There will be days when you will feel so alone-- sad-- lonely-- but they will also pass. The one for you is out there-- probably undergoing the same thing you are experiencing now. When it is the right person, you will never find this road again. You will be with that person traversing a new road, a new direction. In the meantime, pray for the love that is infinite and eternal. A love that can withstand the test of anger, will remain faithful and passionate. When it comes, it is only then that you will understand why you have to go through these rough patches.
Believe that you are loved and you are worth it. You deserve the love that is hardcore. Believe that someone will come and sweep you off your feet. That person will strive everyday to court you and make you fall in love all over again. When you have found that love, you will understand why it did not work out with everybody else.
Be patient. Be alive. Fall in love with yourself. It is only when love is overflowing that you can love others. Inspire to make a difference. Strive to bring out the best in others. All these pain and worries are temporary. Believe. Have faith.
-at work, 11.16am.
Labels: God is good, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 11:17 AM
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Bridge of sighs
We will see each other tomorrow after office to talk. I am disheartened because I can sense she no longer wants to be with me. But Im not leaving no stone unturned.. I have to give this a shot.
I am scared. Lord, please help me. I am feeling so weak. Let your word be done Lord.. I am lifting everything to you. You are my miracle. I know you will favor my petition. I love you Lord.
Labels: relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 11:14 AM
Tuesday, February 09, 2016
Struggling
I don't know what is going on with me. I am struggling at the moment. I can't take her off my mind. There is this innate desire to check on her. I keep reminding myself to reject the rejector. If you love somebody, set that person free.
I dont know why she's occupying my head now. I am at work and she barely went here. Lord, parang awa nyo na po. Tulungan niyo po ako.
Labels: God is good, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 12:09 PM
Monday, February 08, 2016
Thankful
Dear God,
Thank you for this day. For the opportunity to spend it with my family and friend. I am grateful for today, it gave me the chance to make new memories. I love you God. I know you are making a miracle out of me and I will attest to your faithfulness. I am still a little sad but I made it today because you are with me. You are a loving God. I know you will give me someone as loving as you.
Please touch M's heart so she will change for the better. May she learn to give people second chances and may she be reminded that she was once a recipient of that opportunity.
It is unfair that I was not given the chance to change for the better but I know that I will understand your wisdom. It is important to forgive. It is important that you will look for the good in others. May she find the good in our memories.
I have forgiven her for breaking my heart.
I love you Lord. Please protect me and guide me.
Amen.
Labels: God is good, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 6:06 PM
Sunday, February 07, 2016
3 missed calls
3 missed calls from M made me feel uneasy. I want to take it off my mind but I want to be reminded that at one time-- she tried to reach me. I have to tell myself that It didn't matter. But who am I kidding? It did matter and it played my mind. Hay buhay pag-ibig. Im thankful for my friends and these new memories. Now, im holding on to prayer. I know God has my back.
Im a fucking retard when it comes to the matters of the heart.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 1:41 PM
Friday, February 05, 2016
Farewell
Tonight I ceremoniously bid farewell to Med. I slowly let the idea of goodbye sink in. It will be a test of my endurance as she's the only person I've known for two years. Tomorrow I'm looking forward to my new sunrise. With the grace of God, I will overcome.
I pray that God will touch Meds heart and remove all hurt or hatred towards me. May she remember that our relationship was not all bad.. That we had good times as well. May she finds it in her heart to forgive. May she learn to humble herself and always choose to love.
I love you Lord. Thank you for having my back.
Labels: NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 6:51 PM
Thursday, February 04, 2016
Abra thoughts
I commit not to talk about her.
Hindi lang naman siguro siya ang mamahalin ko.
I have to accept the fact that the relationship is over and it cannot be fixed.
It's time to walk away.
Labels: God is good, relationship, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 5:20 PM
Tuesday, February 02, 2016
Day 9
I'm dragging the days.
I found myself humming to the song Love will find a way. Despite its beautiful melody and lyrics, I can't help but to feel hopeless. At the back of my mind, someone is telling me Yeah, right! Or akala mo lang yun, sometimes it does not. Ang agang bitter di ba?
Yesterday, i tried going back online. Saw familiar nicks that made me cringe. To me, they're just a bunch of plastics. But they dominate the room talking intelligently about non-sensical things. Then I met this one person, she said something that made me hope that she is Med then immediately after, I hoped not. Cause then, I would have broken the NCs that I committed to. But it was refreshing to talk to someone, to share your thoughts freely.
I was okay for a short while then I felt lonely all over again.
All is well heart, all is well.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:16 AM
Monday, February 01, 2016
Day 8
How could I missed it? How can I forget? We talked about it when we were new in the relationship. But somewhere I fell in love. Nagpabaya ako.. Knowing she loves me. Akala ko yun ang totoo. I honestly took her word for it.
Now I understand.
Her resentment.
Her fears.
My love was not enough to pacify her that she can actually say whatever she wants and still be loved and accepted.
Sayang.
Labels: God is good., NC, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 1:03 PM
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Day 7
It is the fear of having no one that I need to shake off. Last night, I read about affirmations. With the help of youtube-- I was able to get a video. Im crafting my own affirmations to help me everyday.
1. All is well.
2. Im ready to meet new people
3. I am loved by kind and positive people.
4. I am alright.
5. I will experience more adventures by travelling.
6. I have a loving, kinder, richer, intelligent and good looking partner.
I will have to add more in the coming days.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:45 AM
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Day 6
I went out tonight. My co-workers were kind enough to take me under their wings. I guess they had a clue but I never knew we were that transparent.
They know what med was to me. And they commiserate this current situation that I am in. We went to Makati, of all places. Drove by Kamagong and the firetrucks where I used to drop her off when we were just starting. I also saw elba's place. They have a studio room for rent again and I did wonder if it were the old pad where we cheated on TT.
It's so hard to be in Makati at this time, seeing the old places that we went to. The salon where we had our pedicures and the fast food where we used to eat.
Ang sakit.
But I did not cry because I know-- there is nothing in this world that could bring her back. She told me that much and I believe her.
On our way home,Erwin said something to me. He said that God will not give me something that I cant overcome. He is all I have. And I guess I have everything pero sana he can take away this pain. I hope I will stop missing her. I will unlearn to love her.
Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 2:07 AM
Friday, January 29, 2016
Day 5
Im going out with friends/co-workers today and will be visiting the Chinese store in binondo for some lucky charms. I'm turning 39 this year, which in the chinese calendar is a bad number. Since I don't want to die yet-- I need to get some lucky charms. And I will be throwing in some charms for love too.
It's a better day today. I started my shake and look forward to my walking exercises. The book Im reading helps. It make me understand and realize the dead relationship. It also emphasize the importance of not settling.
I remember this from last night's reading: the universe hates a vacuum. Whatever is loss will surely be replaced.
Labels: love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 10:37 AM
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Day 3 or 4
I think this is the most painful day yet. I woke up missing her and longing for her, wishing this painful thing did not happen to us. I feel a pain in my chest and it is something not physical. Then I remember, it's been a week since we broke up.
Hay naku.
Labels: love, NC, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 6:09 AM
Monday, January 25, 2016
Finding good.
The good thing about getting your heart broken again is the fact that it supersedes past heart aches.
Labels: love, relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 7:54 AM
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Erasing a habit-day1
So tonight I decided to start erasing Med from my system. I need to flush out everything about her. Today I sent her flowers with an apology note asking her to give us another try. That would be the last attempt. My brain is torned between fighting my way into the battle or start my journey alone.
We have been together for almost 2 years. Around 700 plus days. I hope I can make myself strong in facing challenges ahead and be victorious. Saka ko na iisipin ang pagkakaron ng partner, ang importante masanay na ako na wala sya.
This is day 1. I woke up and realized that if there is one thing i love about her-- it will be her acts of service and putting my happiness first. I realized that without it, i will be shortchanged. I know how mean she can be. Kung hindi ka niya mahal wala kang pwedeng ipagawa sa kanya. At kung ipipilit ko na magbalikan kami, alam ko - gagawin nya lahat ng gusto nya dahil wala syang pakielam kung sasayanba ako o hindi. Ayaw ko nun.
Labels: relationships, self-love
posted by jaded fool @ 12:22 AM
Saturday, January 16, 2016
I am back
hello blogger, I have been out of the loop for a year I think. So much have happened in that year that I barely have the time to write them down. I transferred office and went on my first out of the country workshop.
I spent the first half of 2015 at my old office. Went to Baguio for a seminar. I had my first cultural trip and chocolate drink at Cafe by the Ruins. Then June, I transferred to this new office located in a traffic congested area. I was given a service car and driver. I got exempted from wearing uniforms and filling my DTR. I get to work with new set of people. I was hesitant at first because the transition was not welcomed. So, 7 months after. I am still here. Thank God.
I think the highlight of my year would be my visit to Turin, Italy. It was a long flight, buti nalang maraming movies. I landed in Milan and took a train to Turin. Then I went to see my co-worker and we visited Venice. Lots of walking in Italy, but I loved every minute of it. I love Italy! It's really an awesome place. I would love to come back. Ang mahal lang talaga ng Euro. hehe. I stayed with my college barkada in Milan and visited the Duomo. I got a Swatch as a souvenir. :)
Heartwise, well the relationship with to you is dead. I believe it will never work out for us. But I never get to break up.. I just let it hang and wait until it dies. Anyway, this past week something ugly came to haunt me again. this familiar feeling of impatience and despair. I don't welcome them. I hope this is just a phase and I'll bounce back. Maganda ako. I am complete. I will survive.
Half of 2016 and I have a new boss. I felt sad that my old boss is leaving, but I guess that's just how life goes. Thank you for welcoming me back.
I spent the first half of 2015 at my old office. Went to Baguio for a seminar. I had my first cultural trip and chocolate drink at Cafe by the Ruins. Then June, I transferred to this new office located in a traffic congested area. I was given a service car and driver. I got exempted from wearing uniforms and filling my DTR. I get to work with new set of people. I was hesitant at first because the transition was not welcomed. So, 7 months after. I am still here. Thank God.
I think the highlight of my year would be my visit to Turin, Italy. It was a long flight, buti nalang maraming movies. I landed in Milan and took a train to Turin. Then I went to see my co-worker and we visited Venice. Lots of walking in Italy, but I loved every minute of it. I love Italy! It's really an awesome place. I would love to come back. Ang mahal lang talaga ng Euro. hehe. I stayed with my college barkada in Milan and visited the Duomo. I got a Swatch as a souvenir. :)
Heartwise, well the relationship with to you is dead. I believe it will never work out for us. But I never get to break up.. I just let it hang and wait until it dies. Anyway, this past week something ugly came to haunt me again. this familiar feeling of impatience and despair. I don't welcome them. I hope this is just a phase and I'll bounce back. Maganda ako. I am complete. I will survive.
Half of 2016 and I have a new boss. I felt sad that my old boss is leaving, but I guess that's just how life goes. Thank you for welcoming me back.
Labels: desires, dreams, friends, God is good, just venting out, relationships, self-love, travel, work related angst
posted by jaded fool @ 9:22 AM
