rants and ramblings

the way i want to be

my birthday is coming soon and i'll be turning 31.

pondering on my life.. i wonder how many opportunities and experiences i had to evade because i'm afraid to leave my comfort zone. How many bad and good decisions have i made? am i living the life that i want to be? is this the person i want to become?

it all boils down to the fact that everything was my choice. everything that i have now and everything that have happened to me were results of good or bad decisions i made for myself. i called them into my life. i lured them in my world. but then how many decisions have i really decided for myself? not even more than 10. my family has my life planned for me. at 5 years old, they already know that i SHOULD become a lawyer. at 30 years old, they DECIDED who i should be.. and who to be with. and i let them because that's just the way i am. that's they way i was raised and that's what they expected of me.

in my silence and soltitude i cry for freedom. to decide on my own and have them respect it. i want to grow up. i want to expand my wings, feel the air against my face and feel alive. i want to have a fulfilling life. imagine wishing for these things at age 31..

i have limited myself to what my parents, friends and society has to say. i have limited myself by pleasing everybody. i feel so restrained. i want to be there the action is. i want to explore the world so i'd stop wondering of the unknown.

i want to live my life. i want to take risks. i want to be out there and not get scared. i want to experience life fully.

Labels: just venting out, moments