wb/coming out(3 of plenty)
I arrived in Manila last tuesday at exactly 6.38 pm.
To give you a recap: G came to Cebu with me. It made the trip all better. It was just me and her in a place where nobody knows us and we can just be ourselves and have fun. I never wanted to go back here cause here is where my reality lies. This is where we separate ways and live our lives without each other. I didn't go home as I spent the night with her.
Early morning, I asked her-- where do i go from here. "we go back to the way we were before the trip" she said. It was an expected reply but it hurt like hell. I was expecting too much. I'm so naive to think that this trip would actually change everything. Stupid of me. I don't have any hidden agenda but i was hoping.. really, really hoping that she'd take me back. She asked me "what do you want from me?", and all I can say was "you can't give it to me". She just nodded in affirmation.
She asked me if i am willing to stand for the things that I want or was it if i can fight for the things that I love, i really can't remember. But I answered Yes, and I mean every letter of the word.
Either I accept things or she walks away.
I don't know world.. what do you do in a situation like this? Have you ever fallen so deep? Were you able to get yourself out?
I left my bags with G so I came back for them late in the afternoon yesterday. My older sister called me and asked me "asan ka? Uuwi ka pa ba?", I told her "andito kay G, bakit? Pwede bang wag ng umuwi?". She just said "Bahala ka nga" and hanged up. I really meant it. I really do. On my way home, Tatay texted me-- he was angry, nabubuwang na naman daw ako, among others. I answered, hindi ako nabubuwang tay. which i think made him angrier. He then asked me "gusto mo ba jan ka na tumira?", which I answered in the affirmative.
When I get home, I went to his room but he didn't acknowledge me. So I went to my room and change my clothes. I wanted to talk to him.. I wanted to tell him everything. and I don't think I could possibly have any other chance to do that. So I went back to his room and asked him bakit sya nagagalit. Kung san san daw ako suot ng suot. I told him I'm moving out and Malaki na ako. I can take care of myself, i said, I'm already 31 years old. Told him not to get mad at G because she didn't do anything, she was and always been kind to me and to our family. I know he doesn't like the idea of me living on my own, but I need to do this. I have to learn how to be dependent on myself. I kissed him goodnight and went back to my room.
Early this morning, he's still not talking to me. well.. he was sweeter I think, he asked Sheila to cook something for my lunch. On my way to the Office, I texted Tatay this: "
Tay, wag kang magalit kay G dahil wala naman syang ginawa na masama sa atin para ka magalit sa kanya. Love ko yun.
There was a brief silence and then came a text:
Ok na yun anak, i understand. init lang ulo ko last night.
so there world, i'm untying the apron strings attached to me.i don't know what will happen next.
Labels: family, moments, out, relationships, travel
posted by jaded fool @ 8:41 AM
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