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i am weak but i am glad that i am willing to risk my comfort zone and take all the pain for something that i want. im a slow worker.. i spend a lot of time thinking than doing, slowly but surely. but soon i know i would again close my eyes and take the plunge. i need to experience things for me to learn and for me to remember them all the time....
but there is one thing that i can't seem to learn as i always find myself in this very hole. this hole where i feel empty and pain surrounds me. this hole that i get into to have a little of what i had before. how many times have i tried to forget only to find myself being sucked up in the hole. how many times have i restarted? how many times have i said my goodbyes? i have lost count. it's crazy to be where i am right now, to know what you want and knowing you can no longer have it.
i take a step forward one day at a time only to find myself running back to where it all began. exposing my love infected heart to pain.. to hurt.. reliving moments that i know would break it all over again.
i know i would be here when she came to our house yesterday. i expected this-- i thought i was ready for the pain but i never did expected it to be this vast-- to be this intense. i had choices yesterday yet i chose to be with her. because i know no matter how painful it would be-- i would be living one of the best days of my life because its a day with her. who cares about the pain when I can feel the warmth of her skin? experience her touch? who cares about getting hurt when you are with her?
i cried as much as i've laughed and i can't blame anybody except myself. i brought this to myself.
Though my life's without love, You are my love for all time. - love without time
Labels: just venting out, love, relationships
posted by jaded fool @ 6:54 AM
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