rants and ramblings

naman, earth!

how many times have i imagined G trying to win me back? how many times have i silently prayed for it? in my head, i know what i will say.. i know how it will go.. i got all the scenes ready .. but know what? i was still unprepared when it happened.

P decided to come over to the house when tyhpoon Frank was trying to destroy everything. a phone call led G to rush to our place like hell was after her..it was late in the evening when she arrived..seething with anger, obviously mad, hungry and sleepless.

she wanted me back. i want her back as well but now is not the right time.. yep, world, we're not together. my heart has become skeptical of the things that she was saying. the storm is over. we both survived it... but it changed us. i asked her if she could accept my family as there would be the endless family issues and wrath of friends (who took time to listen to me whine while i was mending a brokenheart) to deal with...she said yes. but i know its easier said than done.

i really got confused.. there was a moment that i wanted her.. then i would get scared and would want some time.. or i would want what i have now.. or i would want to have both. yep.. yesterday was an affirmation that i am selfish.. and yes, i am self-centered (but really, i would like to think that im just confuse..)

i don't like it when she cries.. my heart can't bear seeing her tears. but you dont leave someone and wander away.. return when you want to and expect them to be the same person that you left behind.

we talked a lot.. remember how good we were together.. how good a team we are.. i know there's a big chance for this new risk to fail. G and i both knows it.. and she cant understant why i want to risk everything for this. she looked at me intently and told me to do whatever i want.. she just hope that when my lesson is over.. she would still be there for me.. she would still have a tear to shed..

i know i will learn something from this.. as we parted ways.. i know she would be true to her words.. there's no easy way to deal with this.. i never wanted to be in this situation in the first place. i never wanted this.

i need to think.. re-think..and re-re-rethink the things that happened.

i need to evaluate my life away from everything.

Labels: just venting out, relationships