rants and ramblings

wwwhaat?

A friend of mine got mad at me cause i forgot to tell her that i left her salary with a co-worker. It was not my fault that I totally forgot to extend her that little important information. And she's feeling bad cause she can't reach me and she only have a hundred bucks. I think she is having another depression attack and I am the target. And I am actually feeling bad -- because 1.) i didn't act with bad faith, and 2.) it was not my fault that her car broke down.

I hate this feeling.. again, i am back to my old self-- wanting people to love me-- doing things that would please them. Good thing I was able to stop myself from pledging anything.

I just want to have a good working relationship with the people around me. And a friend actually feeling bad towards me is something I cannot welcome.

Every waking hour of my life-- I give my utmost best to be a good daughter, sister, friend, employee and citizen.

harridan:the crazy secretary

Just saw American Idol and Fantasia Barrino won! I think she deserved the title as well as the contract. I had a breakthrough while I was watching the Final episode - she sounded like Macy Gray! Only she can belt out higher notes than macy-- but the similarity was there. I could feel it! hehehe Anyway, Congratultions to Fantasia for fulfilling a dream.. just like William Hung. I was able to see a marathon show of American Idol (from the auditions to the finals) so in a way-- i kinda get attached to the "themes" and "what would be they singing next" feeling.

Anyway, going to the main subject of my entry tonight-- office is dissolved so we have to process our clearances in order to get our terminal pay. And earlier today, I finally went to the office to have the clearance signed and get my things that I brought when I started working which is composed of: a mug, kikay kit, mirror, sewing kit (though I accumulated some non-sensical stuff from officemates). Well, the atmosphere in the office is not good-- there is hatred and animosity. Especially so with Harridan-- our crazy, schizophrenic, evil secretary. She excrete this evilness.. and she's one person that I don't want to deal with because I would probably end up in jail for manslaughter. I don't want to waste my life on a wastrel like her. Well-- we haven't fought or anything but her looks are always malicious-- and her tones are always accusatory. She's what you can call -- BASTOS. Despite her education from the State University, she still lack the decency to act professionaly. I know, I could go on and on and on and on in writing about her but I could not find a single nice word that would describe her.

I am feeling dismayed by the acts of my principal -- after the elections principal hasn't talked to any of us-- it was like, it was our fault that he lost. DUH!! There are so many "what if's" to consider in your case, Boss -- anyway, you have the rest of your life to think about them.

Life make sudden turns and sometimes we could not find reasonable explanation for its logic.....

the lesser evil

Now that the election is over (at least on our part) and it is quite evident that Boss lost... we are now in the process of seeking new jobs. Anyway, with the coming of the election-- some of my co-workers decided to stay at the principal office and most stay at the HQ. After the tallying -- some of us decided NOT to report at the pricipal office anymore for the reason that the gap between and among my co-workers have gone so wide, it's wider than the Red Sea. Of course, this event would not pass without some intrigues in the way. But what the heck?? the boat is sinking, so I'd better choose the one with the lifeboat right? Why on earth would I want to stick to some group of people being headed by a wacko (Harridan). Harridan is a ton of headache-- she excrete animosity among the people she relates with cause she easily snaps. One time she's sweet and in an instant, she gets wacky.

As the saying goes, "When faced by two evils, choose the lesser one". And I think that Jail warden is the lesser evil (between the two of them) for the simple reason that i find the jail warden easier to get along with. Yes, he is bossy and a slave driver and a lot of bad things-- but his the usual "asshole" type-- it's something that will grow on you.

I hope i'll be able to find another job soon-- i just don't picture myself jobless anymore...

feel like talking

When I was on my way to my class, Jane texted me-- she said that Nanay Sally passed away. I felt sad losing Nanay Sally, she's one cool lola-- she would always worry bout me going home whenever Jane and I visit her in Sta. Mesa years ago. Simultaneously, i felt a throb of excitement-- I thought that this could be an opportunity for Jane to come home and see me. So I texted back my condolences and asked who's coming home for the interment. She replied that Nanay, Tatay and Dada (Mom, Dad, and Sister of Tato-- her in laws) would be coming over. She didn't say anything bout her coming home. Did what i feel bad? I would have texted Jen-Jen some more but I don't have enough credits to spare, aside from the fact that I really don't know what to say.

I am afraid to think about -- or rather I refuse to entertain the idea that we've become strangers to each other. I remember a dream that I had wherein she said that she's quite happy and adjusted to her life in New York. And it's so stupid of me to hold it against her. I mean, I should have just accept reality that her destiny lies in staying with her husband and my destiny is to stay right here, in this third world country. I do wonder at times... if we're still the same old friends-- and deep inside, I am scared that distance have let us grew apart. My brain refuses to heed and my heart is afraid to know the truth.

I guess I am just missing Jane and the old us. I miss our bitchy ways. I know I am losing my close friends. Jane is in New York. I haven't heard from Joy for a while-- No text, no whatever. Diane and Ailes are busy with work and with their significant others... whereas Judy... Judy is busy pursuing a career in legal practice. I don't know what's ahead of us, I don't know what would become of me in the next couple of months. I am missing the camaraderie and the warmth that I have grown accustomed to. I've tried looking for a new set of friends-- but the SPP girls have come along way with me. I am just not sure if we are strong enough to stand the test of time and distance.

I love reminiscing old times -- sharing laughs and old jokes. Talking about things that are shared only with good friends. Guess this is what Jane and Ailes were talking about during one of our "toma" sessions. They said that I should look for someone who would take care of me-- cause time will come that they would be busy leading their own lives. This is it. It finally come. They are busy with work and boyfriends and here I am, not entirely alone but without sharing it with friends, it is nevertheless--lonesome.

It is painful when you realize that you miss the people you literally grew up with. Yep, sometimes you could not possible classify our conversations to the level of intellectual greatness but they were educational, informative and fun. Am i being selfish for wishing the life that we had back then?

I am thinking very hard of what made us stick together-- what is that factor common to all of us that made us friends.. and i guess it is the Zest for life... the passion to live... the determination to make it out here.... the commitment to have fun while learning. Yes.. I guess those were the things that is common to my friends and I.

We are fighting our battles on our own-- we have our own issues to solve, fears to conquer and life to lead.

Darn... we finally grow up.

rainy days

it's official, PAGASA has declared the official start of the rainy season. The season I'm least inclined to.... hayyy.. and with my schedule, i would not know how to handle this-- i'm Manila almost everyday .. (well.. except when I am being lazy at work and declared my own holiday). I know I need to look for a place to live in for the mean time and I could not find the time to search for one. And with this weather -- it's just making making me wish that I am in my bed drowsing the day away.

Well.. boss is on the losing path and we can't seem to get out of the losing pit. I don't like the attitude of most of my officemates cause they simply refuse to share load. They want to earn but they don;t want to break their backs... which is really unfair to the rest of us who happen to be efficient. I hope that they would change, cause their attitude starts to irritate me. The most unfair thing of them all is the fact that they earning more than me.Work more earn less.. yep... that's what I am. I just hope that I would be able to find another job soon. And right at this moment, I know I would trade the possibility of becoming a lawyer for another "average" paying job.

I'm most lazy during this time of year.

pack up

It seems that we lost-- so come June 30, it's bye bye time to our office. I'll be submitting my resume to the other offices with a prayer that they would take pity on me and hire me.

I just got home from my review-- it was tiresome but worth it. Met new acquiantances. =D I am really tired and i got work tomorrow.. fuck...

on the verge of losing

Two days after the elections-- and with the results of the so-called "quickcount"-- we are on the verge of losing our jobs. The only good thing (so i believed) is the fact that we are consistent with our ratings from the survery. I think i have written all about it from the past.

Looking at the list of the top 12, I could hardly believe that the people would vote for Jinggoy. Man, he is charged with Plunder-- an offense that is punishable by death. How could someone even choose him to be a legislator?? I mean -- not that I am questioning his education or his background in public service. I am questioning his sincerity. Where on earth can you find a mother and son both senators?! Only in the Philippines. Where else can you find a person charged with Plunder become a Legislator? Only in the Philippines. I know that his guilt should be proven beyond reasonable doubt -- but the mere fact that there are allegations should be enough warning to the people on what he is capable of doing. We never learn.

I was in the office today (not the HQ) and I was able to spend time with the other group. I don't feel comfortable around them-- suddenly we are all estranged, mainly because they stayed there and I stayed at the HQ. Anyway, I think they do belong together-- they have this attitude and same aura. I simply don't belong with them.

It's going to be the third day of the counting tomorrow and my co-workers and I guess the boss too, is still waiting for that silver lining to come our way.

e-day

Morning world.. Just came back from the polling place, you see-- it's election day. It's time for the public to get back at those politicians. Yesterday, we had our mass for a peaceful, honest and orderly election. It was held in the HQ. After mass, the boss gave a short message of thanks.. well.. frankly, that piece of speech made me wish that boss would win, but until every vote is counted -- it could be anybody's game.

I am not feeling good today -- yesterday, I ran a fever-- up to early morning today. I don't know where it came from. In fact, Im surprised to be sick. To top it all -- My tummy is giving me a hardtime *runs for the bathroom for the 3rd time*

B A C K!

whew!

Im glad to be part of this activity. I was able to made a stand and voted for the people I chosen to be the best choice. I hope the electorate would be wise in their choice of candidates...

BTW, Blogger has a new look! hehehe.. i kinda like it-- refreshing and simply cool.

help..

I need some guidance.. I am not sure whether to apply or pursue the bar. You see -- since there's a small chance of the boss getting re-elected... Ive decided to take up review classes. But more importantly, I'm thinking of work. I don't want to be unemployed... For the fact that there are bills to pay and little luxuries that need to be supported.

The dilemma lies in the fact that after the bar, they might not be needing workers anymore... so that would left me, unemployed and a burden to my family. On the other hand, If i pursue the bar exams -- I'll become a lawyer next year and that would give me bigger opportunities. hmmmm... If I get hired, I would not be able to take the exams since I would be under a different boss...

I need some enlightenment.

Just a thought in my head -- I have these co-workers who belong to a religious group. And whatever is decided by their head - they follow. So when they endorsed the candidacy of some politicians -- they have to follow it even if it means not voting for your own principal. Which is really kinda unfair -- cause the principal have trusted them to support him all the way... I don;t know, I could be wrong but the analysis is they are following blindly. I just hope their faith will save them. I want to write more-- but I'm tired. Been to a political activity..

I would just like to thank God for all the blessings that he bestowed upon me and for always coming to my rescue everytime I am distressed. Hehehehe...

religious endorsements

With the "allegedly" recent ruling of the Supreme Court on allowing religious sects to endorse candidates -- the political arena became chaotic as ever. We are just 3 days away from the Election -- Religious endorsements is really something. Especially the sect that implements strict block voting.

It was monday when the newspaper carried in the headline the endorsements of El Shaddai and the INC. it did not bear the picture of my boss -- does it mean that we got booted out? A co-worker said that the list was not final and the high officials are still in the final stage of choosing. There was a shed of hope, no matter how little it could be.

But yesterday was a different story -- it was confirmed. we got booted out.. by whom? nah -- not that it matters now. I feel sorry for the boss though --- and no matter how much i hate the way he handles his people -- I feel this pity. Somehow, I can also relate to the pain of being casted out.

Does Religious Endorsements mean perks and benefits from the Government Officials? I'm afraid it would only cause more corruption in the government. I wish someone would explain to me the procedure of choosing the candidates they will endorse.

Even if my candidates don't win, the important fact is that I was able to stand up by decision and belief that the leaders I chosed were going to be good public servants.