rants and ramblings

year ender

The year 2002 basically has been good to my family. The year started with the birth of our very own Superheroes . Thereafter, Ms. Diana de Leon passed the bar, which made the pressure on me so darn difficult to handle. Then came my graduation from Law school. I turned 25 years old and yet still ahmm hmm. I enrolled @ UST for Bar Review Classes and tried living on my own for a while and I have realized how hard it is to take care of me. I only lasted 2 months and then I came back here.

There were so many temptations hanging over my head while I was doing my review and I gave in to most of them. I almost get all the things that I asked for (trivial things like bags.. bags.. and shoes!). Hehehe…, which made me, really scared cause I know they're depending on me to make it. Then months flew so quickly.. Before I knew it, I'm already getting my ID from the Supreme Court. My fraternal brothers and sisters have me in-housed over Cara Celine (located in Kapitan Tikong Malate Manila) it is near La Salle. Then -- one day I woke up -- It is the first Sunday of the BAR 2002. It was so scary. The memories are still fresh and it is one experience that you would likely to remember all your life. Then the first Sunday went by… then the second…. The third.. And the fourth…the exams were just getting harder and harder. And every Sunday, someone would just not appear to take the exam or they would just end up -- crazy. It was a freedom on the last Sunday and I had the most wonderful of all surprises --- Jane came back from NY! My sororal sisters were supportive of me… And I do hope that someday, I would be able to do to return the favor. I thought that taking the bar was a difficult task… but it is more difficult to wait… and be scared all this time. tsk… tsk…. tsk…

Then came the first birthday of our baby, LUIS. Then I took the Career Service Professional Exam and passed. =) And now… I am looking for work. After 2 months of staying at home, my parents grew tired of me already and they are pressing me to find a job. Anyway, I did what I was told -- I am looking and waiting. Waiting for what, I don't know. I just hope that by next year… well… I am an employee already.

I haven't seen much of my friends all year round. Ms. D left for US last September.. And I heard that she'll be back next year. Nothing much has happened to me. There were marriages in our family. Evelyn got pregnant and gave birth to a healthy boy. Apple got married also last October and is also now expecting a baby. Cecil turned 18 last June.. but she still act like a kid. Some of the old people that I know have died…. Anyway… as what I have said, the year of the horse was a good year for us.. My family was not as financially distressed as we were in the year of the snake. There were li'l fights and gaps.. But they have been all worked out.

So there.. The year of the horse is about to end… time has moved on without me.

my christmas day

My family and I started Christmas day with a mass. My Tatay, Nanay, sister and I went to our local parish to hear the traditional misa de gallo. As usual, there were lots of people -- but it does not really mean that they're there to hear mass.. Some of them just wanted to show off their new clothes, be with their friends to do girl or boy watching. It was not a nice sight. I wore a red blouse and a black skirt… personally speaking,, I think I look nice (patronize ur own!). I was expecting us to hear the misa de gallo at the Barasoain Church.. but my Tatay decided that the local parish will do. Thereafter, we had our Noche Buena… We got home very late, I think it was around 1 am already. I went to bed at around 2:30 am and woke up with my handyphone ringing beside my ear. I answered it and it was the guy from LA. We talked for sometime and then I went back to sleep. Next time I woke up it was quarter to 10 already… and most of our neighbors visited us already. Then short after -- my kuya together with his family arrived. It was very ackward at first because there was a gap between my parents and my sister-in-law. But we were able to manage it and somehow learned to forgive.

Before lunchtime… my cousins who lived in Manila arrived. Our little shindig was held at Mommy Seksi's place (tita Gina's residence). There was the usual gift giving and then we had an instant christmas party. =) We played a lot of games and were able to have fun even though it was not planned. We had raffle game -- wherein the winner can take home, 20 bucks. Hehehe.. I know, I know.. The prize is not that much -- but who cares? As long as we are having fun… money is nothing! Then we played Laban o Bawi -- wherein Tito Ernie and Nanay were picked for contestants. We had the Bring me game… The longest breath …. The boat is sinking…. The command games … stop dance and Charade. The Charade game was played by the adults of the family.(not us! more mature than us) It was a game between Girls and Boys. It was really hilarious seeing my Tito's and Tita's (including my Nanay!) acting out some title of a movie. Anyway, the Girl Team won. Then when we got tired -- we had some merienda and then call it a day. The prize money were donated by my tito's and tita's. =) It was a tiring but happy day. Everything went out the way I prayed them to be. Patching up… forgiving and forgetting… enjoying each others company… simply having fun. Yep…. IT IS A HAPPY CHRISTMAS FOR ME! =D

menu for today

Bread
Pansit
Ice Cream
Ham
Chicken Cordon Bleu with white sauce
Desserts:
Buko Pandan

MERRY CHRISTMASSSSSSSSSS!

lucky in games,unlucky in love

I woke up very early today.. as you can see from the time of this entry... I tried looking for a free ringtone for my new cellphone.. but much to my dismay... I haven't found any! So in order to release the stress that is slowly eating me up... I decided to write.

Hmmm.. Some say that if you are lucky in games you would be unlucky in love and vice versa.. This is so untrue! Sometimes, there are just people who can't win anything. Let's just take me as an example.. hehehe!! I mean.. i don't like gambling cause I'm a sore loser.. it really is painful to lose you know. Though there are times that I win (which is not all time.. daims!) I still feel awfully sad when I lose. Winning, i guess both in love and in games, have this exhilirating feel.. it gives you natural high. And I don't know any person who enjoys losing or hates winning. Anyway.. So in order for me not to lose... I just don't play. HEY! That reminds me of something.. Demmit.. I'm a frigging escapist. That's what I do whenever I'm at a brink of.... falling in.... for a fool. Before someone could hurt me -- I run away. Well.. running away has its pain.. but I have believed that the pain that I felt from running away would never be as much as what I would feel if ever I stayed. I tried saving myself by killing me.. killing what i feel.. taking all the possibilities that it would ever work out of my mind. I know you would think I'm an idiot.. I think of myself that way also.. Cause, I can't think of any logical explanation why I'm this way. This is what you call.. in-born tragedy. I cause my own loneliness... Do I enjoy being lonely too much? Jane said that I should find my toad and whatever the outcome is, I should Live with it. I can live with it.. promise. But the thing is... can he live with it? I don't want to live until I die knowing that I have forced myself on someone.. causing ourselves misery. That is simply not my idea of living.

Somehow I think I lack the conviction and determination to make myself absolutely happy. Cause you know what they say... You make your own Life. I guess I'm selfish in way cause I don't let anybody get in my life that easily (I don't know why..I just refuse to let them in) and I can really really ( i mean really!) be difficult to handle making your life a living hell. It's just take an extraordinary person to love an extraordinary me. .

Gambling is a risk... love is a risk. LIFE is about taking risks!

brat

I am a brat. Hmmm…. What made me say that I'm such? Well… I'm the youngest in the family… I ask them for all the things that I want.. I do get my ways (at times!). And sometimes, I just find myself getting all the things that I have asked for. But, mind you.. I'm not a BAD brat -- I'm reasonable and willing to wait but it doesn't mean that I'm willing to wait forever. I hold people to their promise -- and I would terribly be upset when they break their vow.

I remember the time when I thought I needed a portable TV cause of the Spanish soap opera…. I've asked my sister to buy me one! And buy she did… I saw this very very cute sandals and I asked my Nanay to buy it for me then and there… and buy she did. I've asked my Yaku to give me a cellphone (motorola v8088+) this Christmas -- and buy he did! I just love being the baby of the family.. Not that it makes me feel powerful or anything.. But it is an assurance that no matter how old I'll get-- I would still be the youngest daughter of the family. =D

5 days before christmas

It's 5 days before Christmas!! I still don't know what to prepare for the Noche Buena. Hmmmm… I'm terrified, cause after the holidays -- the results of the Bar exams would be released. And now, I'm trying to figure out a way to brainwash myself on how to react and accept reality as it is. I don't know if I would still have the courage to give it one more try… if ever.

I haven't seen my niece and my nephew for 4 days now. I miss them terribly. My Tatay got mad and forbid us to see the kids. This is all BiBi's fault… Well.. it is therefore final that Ate vivian is indeed one of the children of the moon. Cause everytime there is a full moon.. Her mood swings are so bad. Yep.. her mood swings do affect the whole of the family. My ate said that is one of the reasons why she doesn't want to get married-- you get some psycho for a relative. I pray that things will be well cause I really really miss the kids -- even though there are times that I wish they would not visit cause they turn the whole house upside down.. I do miss taking care of them and playing with them. Hope that I'll see them soon.

Hmmm, I haven't got any news from any of my friends… I miss them terribly. And Announcement, I met someone…. He's from overseas and I don't know what to do about it.. I'm not sure whether to take the risk or not.. It's a long way from home. But he insisted that things will be fine… if ever I decided to.. uhmm.. go for it. He thinks I'm sweet and he said He likes me. Hahahahah! Isn’t that adorable? Someone thinks I'm sweet and nice…. =D anyway…. I need advice… and I need it NOW… maybe I should read the book Jane gave me. =D *crosses her fingers*

update on moi

Tonight is the start of the traditional Simbang Gabi and for 9 straight days people have to wake up very early to attend or hear mass. But sad to say, I have not yet completed any simbang gabi. I don't know.. it's just so nice to stay in bed in the wee hours of the morning. And I do find it hard to leave the warmth of my bed. Hmmm.. let's see what's been happening to me. Well.. Last friday, I was out and dropped some resume in Quezon City and in Ortigas hoping to land a job that is actually related to my course. And I'm also hoping that come 2003, I will no longer be a burden to my family. When I was out there.. in the middle of the working force -- i have felt that it is indeed my time to work. And I felt envious of all those people who were able to work.... who actually enjoy their jobs (well.. i don;t really know if they do enjoy it...) Anyway, the point is.. the time has come for me to accept the fact that i have to fend for myself and start securing my future. I don't know what the outcome of that search would be.. I can only hope for the best and expect the worst.

I have created a new Homepage.. for a channel in Dalnet -- #impyerno I have been invited to attend Eb's and Christmas Parties but I don't really have the budget to go to them.. I don't really attend EB's. Been to a few .. but that is an exceptional case.

Today, we went to the mall.. and we were one big happy family. We had lunch together.. and the kids had fun when they went to Glico's. But something not nice happened... my sister-in-law suddenly had one of her famous mood swings. I do hate her when she's like that-- cause it dampens the mood. It is supposed to be a Family day, time to secure and strengthen our bonds. But when she have these moods.. I just want to wring her neck. She can really be a pain in the ass.. And the worst of it -- she took it all out on her daugther who happens to be stubborn just like her. So Kyle end up crying.. and crying... and CRYING! Then she had the nerve to leave us at the mall and take Luis with her. Well.. frankly speaking, we got scared for Luis.. cause who knows what his looney mom would do.. at that state she could do Luis some harm. If she didn't tag Luis along-- We wouldn't care a bit if she go to hell or what. I don't really get it-- how it come so easy to her to hit Kyle.. Haayy.. I do think she need medical attention. And she's ruining Christmasssssss!!! Waaaaah!! Damn.... My poor Yaku.. tsk..

Guess that's it.. brief, concise summary of the things that has happened to me. =)

uhm?

I dont have anything better to say... it's idle time for me again.... I do miss my friends and the times that we used to hang out with each other.. I guess, I just want to write for my site to be updated and not because there's something significant happened to me. There are so many thoughts in my head... and I can't express them clearly.. Maybe it's because they are tidbits of everything that compiling them would not make a single thought. The fear of the unknown is intensifying by the minute.. I do pray.. and I hope for a Bright and Better Future.

-outta here.... Peace!

career professional

Yahoooo! Yesterday I receive the result of my civil service exam. I got 82.43. I celebrated it last night by meeting up with my online friends. I asked Ailes to come with me so I could treat her…. but the moron declined my offer. I asked Judy to come also but she's already on her way to Arellano. She resigned from Supreme Court hehehehhe! She can really be a bitch.. maybe it's better that way.. her boss is being a pain in the neck! Haaaaayyy I have missed my friends last night…

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HAPPY FIESTA TO ME!

I know that this day will not be as good as the others... I feel it.. deep in my bones. =(

101: 1

According to the recent report of the National Statistics Office, there are 101 female for every male. I no longer wonder why there are women out there who settle to be mistresses or why there are men who have 2 wives and tons of girlfriends. Hmmm.. Maybe that gave men the courage to separate with their wives and just settle for girlfriends. Separated men are everywhere but I don't think that they would get married again. Personally speaking, I think they just want the part wherein they can have the female attention and get everything in a wife except the commitment.. Yep.. Men's population is getting scarce… while women's population keeps on doubling by the minute… time will come that competition for men will be tough.. Old Men would want Young women.. And the Old women, well… they would just die that way I guess.. heheehe…. YEP.. That sums it up all right…

It's World Aids Day…. Ignorance is never an excuse…. Stupidity is not an excuse… be responsible.
Do practice safe sex…