rants and ramblings

a step back

Love: The Devil

Touchstone: The Lovers

Career: The Tower

You'll be tempted to eat the forbidden fruit today! The combination of the Lovers and the Devil suggests that you have a passionate desire for two people, but are finding it quite impossible to choose between them, dear koni. Will your conscience be strong enough to keep you on the straight and narrow! The combination of the Tower and the Lovers appears to indicate that any professional decisions you make today will be doomed to failure. There's some reorganizing going on, and you are finding it difficult to understand what this means to you or what role you are expected to play within the new structure. Instead of digging your heels in and resisting all change, take a step back and let things take their natural course.

Labels: astrology

personality test

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

-- hmmm..

Labels: just venting out

ang gulo ko

nung nakalipas na araw lang parang malinaw kung san patungo ang buhay ko. parang sigurado na ako kung ano ang dapat gawin... pero bago ko pa man gawan ng aksyon ang lahat--- nagulo ulit. nagkanya kanyang takbo... nagkanya kanyang diskarte.

hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang nangyayari sa akin.

minsan gusto ko lang bumalik sa dati ang buhay ko... masaya naman ako nun... hindi nga ako naghangad ng kung ano pa man.. sobrang kuntento ako kung ano meron ako..sino kasama ko..at kung ano meron kami. hindi ako naghanap ng hihigit pa.. hindi ako kelan man naingit sa iba.. kung may pagkukulang man si G nun.. naiintindihan ko yun at naisasayos din. so hindi ko makita ang rason bakit hindi pwede maulit iyon..

habang umiikot ang mundo, nag iiba ang tao.

tama.. nag iba nga ako. hindi ko gusto ang pagbabago. higit kanino pa man, sobrang hirap akong mag adjust sa changes. kya nga nahihirapan ako sa trabaho ko ngayon-- dahil hindi ko sya matanggap ng maluwag sa loob. pero kailangan kong aminin ito dito. aminin sa inyo. na nagbago na nga ang damdamin ko. pero sa kaloob looban ko.. may lumalaban.... hindi ko alam san nangagaling yun. gusto ko bang magkabalikan kami? gusto ko bang maging mabuti kaming magkaibigan? ano nga ba ang gusto ko?

ang gusto ko lang.. maging masaya at magkaron ng tahimik na buhay...

Labels: moments

how to kill a relationship

I read an article in yahoo about Six Relationship-Ending Dating Behaviors instead of copying the said article letter by letter, i decided to discuss it in reverse. Ok, if you want your relationship to end immediately, BREAK THE TRUST and do the following:

1. Pry into her/his private info. This includes checking his cellphone all the time, checking the call logs and copying the contact numbers so you have your own list. Demand the passwords of ALL his/her email accounts, Friendster or Myspace so you can check his/her friends out and evaluate possible prospects.

2. Lie. Lie about everything... and then make sure you are caught. That would instantly break your relationship and lose all trust.

3. Spy on your partner. Check the receipts in his/her wallet.. the billing statements from the phone companies and credit cards.. the ATM receipts that he's hiding in those drawers... make sure to jot the places down to know what places he/she frequently visited.

4. Surprise your partner in his meetings, conferences, or office so you can catch him/her in the act. Nothing beats being caught in pari delicto.

5. Ask your good friends to check on your partner... the people that they talk to.. and the people that they have lunch with.

6. Check on your partner every minute.. call.. text.. call..call.. get mad.. call again.. text again.. surprise him/her with 77 missed calls and 80 text messages, demand a reply every minute and telling your partner that he's probably out there cheating on you that's why he/she can't answer the frigging phone.

7. Cheat and get caught.

So there, that's my own annotation of relationship ending behaviors. One way or another-- we are guilty of committing at least one of the things above. Hanep naman kung nagawa mo lahat yan.

REMEMBER, and this I quote:

No matter how much love exists in your relationship, it cannot survive without trust.

Labels: relationships

Ako, si G at si P.

Ito na yata ang yugto ng buhay ko na pinakamagulo sa lahat... sobrang nahihiya akong magkwento kaya napilitan na lang akong manahimik. Pero, ewan.. gusto kong magkwento ngayon... pwede ka bang makinig?

Ako. Hindi naman ako mapaghanap na tao. Gusto ko lang ng matahimik na buhay. May makasama na mahal na mahal ko at mamahalin ako. Hindi ako naghangad ng yaman.. Tama na yung kung gusto naming kumain sa labas ay kaya naming dumukot sa savings. Kung gusto naming mag taxi-- e kaya namin. Gusto ko ng inaalagaan ako at gusto ko rin yung nag aalaga. Gusto ko matalino.. hindi nakakabato kausap. Gusto ko sweet dahil hindi ako sweet na tao, clingy ako. Hehe.

Si G. Sya ang unang babae na nagpatibok sa puso ko. Marami kaming pinagdaan. Saya.. Hirap. I've had a lot of first with her. Tumira kami sa isang bahay.. natuto ako ng maraming bagay sa kanya. Nai-apply ko rin naman ang mga tinuro ng Nanay sa akin tulad ng pagluluto, paglalaba, paglilinis ng bahay, pamamalengke, pag aayos at iba pa. Sobrang na enjoy ko ang buhay maybahay. Kaya lang.. mayron talagang mga pagsubok na mahirap lagpasan. Talagang sinukat ang lakas namin. Makailang ulit din kaming naghiwalay.. pero sa huli, kami pa rin ang nagtatagpo.

Si P, pinatibok din nya ang puso ko. Naging mabuting magkaibigan kami... hanggang nahulog ang loob ko sa kanya. Nalimutan ko si G dahil kay P. Pero hindi naman madali ang pumasok sa bagong relasyon. Maraming adjustment.. maraming tests. Pero sa unang pagkakataon, di ko pinansin ang ibang tao-- ako muna.. kaligayahan ko muna. Masaya pero walang seguridad. Mahirap din pala ang ganun. dahil kahit gaano kasaya-- hahanapin mo pa rin ang security.

Hanggang naisip ko na mas mabuti pa nun kay G. hindi naman kwestyon pagmamahalan sa aming dalawa... lagi ko lang isinasakripisyo ang sarili kong kaligayahan kaya kami napariwara.
Hindi ko alam bakit ko sila naisulat.. siguro parang pakiramdam ko..walang nagmamahal sa akin. siguro kasi parang ganito na lang ang kwento ng buhay ko.

sabi sa Grey's Anatomy:

"Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes.We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. We have to understand that knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying."

yan ang ginawa ko. I took the risk...I learned my lesson.. I enjoyed the journey..

and now I'm tired.

Labels: love, relationships