rants and ramblings

halloween

We just got home from the grocery. We bought some food for tomorrow's affair. Tomorrow our family with the rest of the relatives would be going to the cemetery and pay respect to our dearly departed Lolo (grandfather). Here in the Philippines, Halloween is a family affair. It is a time for rest and bonding. It is a day intended sorely for remembering the dead… and having the much-needed rest away from the busy bustling of the city life. We have encountered lots of motorists at the grocery store.

As years passed the customs changed.. Though we still remember the dead.. It is inevitable that somehow we have acquired the customs from the west-- so far in very few selected first class subdivisions, we have the so-called "Trick or Treat" thing… wherein the kids and the adults are wearing customes and all. I also noticed, that people are into -- Halloween parties. Then, we only have Christmas Parties. Yep.. Change is the only permanent thing in the world. And time will come, I know that people won't be going anymore to the cemeteries to visit the dead, instead, they would be resting because they went home very late from a custome party.

Last year two of our cousins were not married, and Daniel's existence was way beyond our imagination. It has become part of our family to get together during these kind of holidays.. I do hope that no matter who got married with whom.. We would still be able to see each other occasionally and enjoy each other's company ( together with their husbands of course.. yep.. most of us are girls! Hehehe ). Imagine how things change in a year? I wonder what would happen next year..

mumu

Mumu is a term we used to describe a ghost. Yep, it's a childish term but I'm comfortable using that than "ghost". Ghost is like -- serious stuff. Hehehe… And since it's Halloween, there's a mumu fever… all the sitcoms in the tube are featuring their own episode.. Stories about ghost are back.. Time to reminisce the mangkukulams (witches), dwendes (dwarfs), and other superstitious beings that can't be seen by the naked eye. We all have our own stories about our first hand encounters with these beings. And I'm going to tell that… uhmmm on November 1.

The other day I watched EXPOSED, and it's about ghost.. Actually I don’t have any intention of watching it but Ate insisted that I should. Since I want to prove myself that I'm a grown up and I'm not afraid of ghosts anymore…I watched it with her. And the after effect sucks. Yep.. I got scared! Waaaah!! They were giving testimonies about their own experiences and that's not all. there were videos and pictures! Now.. I can't go to the garage without my imagination going wild. Demmits!

I'm not sure whether mumus are real or they're just a pigment of my wild imagination. Though there are times that I really really got scared that it's pathetic. I know that I would die if some ghost would appear before me.. I just know, ok?! I got this eerie feeling sometimes that someone is watching me.. but since I know for a fact that I have a wild imagination -- I simply yell and run, and then my family would ask me what the hell am I yelling about. After I told them about the "eerie" feeling-- they would just say that I should be afraid of the living cause they can harm me. But the Mumu's can harm me too! And I can't possibly yell at the mumu's cause I would probably be dead already.. I just hope that they will leave me alone! We don't have business with each other. It's the fault of my older siblings that I'm like this! When I was a child when I'm being mischievous, they would scare me about this ghost who is full of blood.. Sometimes, I act as if I'm not scared -- I watch horror movies, I tell scary stories.. I even scare other people.. But I know deep inside, I never outgrew my fear of ghosts and kaluluwang dugo. I'm still a coward afterall.

epol

Haberday Apple! And Best wishes to you too!

Apple is getting married today at 4 pm in Cainta, Rizal. None of us would be there to witness her say her vows. We don't know the place and I think that the ceremony is just for the immediate family. I don't think an invitation given through text messaging is appropriate in situations like this

Apple grew up with us during her toddler years. She was Apple Bacay until her pre-school (her mom told her that she will not be accepted in class if she doesn't use their surname) And it is sad that we'll not be able to see her get married properly.. Of course.. All of us in the family would want each and every one of us get married in church. But so far, none of my cousins got married in catholic ceremony. Only my Kuya got married in the church…

Wishes for the soon to be wife:
May all your wishes come true. I wish you love, peace of mind, happiness, freedom and joy. I do hope that you'll be able to build a family that is strong. May you love your husband and his family (cause they're also your family now). Be strong and have faith, married life is not an easy path. Live a colorful life and learn your lessons well. Be a good wife and a loving mother. Stay in love 'til you and your husband grow old. If ever things don't work out.. You are welcome in our house. We do love you.

feeling

Each one of us sees ourselves differently. And sometimes, we become too blinded to see the real "US" or sometimes, we simply refuse to see it. I know you may ask what the hell am I talking about.. I can only take so much! PLEASE! Ok.. Once a upon a time.. in a far away land.... lived this guy -- and he thinks that I'm so frigging illusional that one time in one of my idiotic phases.. I (yep.. ME daw! well.. Fuck u!) thought that I'm his fucking GF. You don't just acquire GF or BF over the net, idiot! Yep, one can be sweet and one can be so fucking lovable-- but that doesn't mean there is something there. I mean, what do you know about my family except the number of my siblings? You don't know anything! I am aware that people tend to bend the story for their own benefit -- but to totally change the story.. to totally make a nice li'l story to suit your ass.. That is one hell of a lie. What do I expect from a pathetic SOB, huh!? Die you fucking loser.

FEELING - is status of a person, who, totally is unaware that he/she sucks; his belief in himself is so strong that he hallucinates non-existent things to exist. In tagalog - Taong makapal ang apog! Sobrang bilib sa sarili.. Feeling nya e kanasa nasa sya!!

I hate it when I write in a mad mood. I become so unlike me.

gagged

I woke up so darn early today, that I decided to go online. There was nothing much to do except to surf and think of my friends. We are so far away frome each other. And I do miss them terribly. Maybe because I still don't have work and I'm not busy like them. I feel so helpless that I cannot breathe.

demmit

The situation between me and my pare is becoming a pain the ass. I thought that things are doing quite well since he started texting me back. I had hoped that by the time that we talked again, everything would be back the way they were before. But I hoped wrong! Now, everytime we start to talk -- it seems to me that we always end up snarling at one another. I just don't get it.. I mean, I said I'm sorry for whatever and yet he still acts as if I have killed somebody. Anyway, I'm still determined on not swallowing the darn pride. And at the moment, I don't care if that is wrong. He could just have answered the question: "what are u doing? Are u online?" properly.. Did he do that? No, he just have to be mean in his reply. He can be a really be a son of a bitch at times. . It's becoming strenuous just trying to understand his actions and the possible reason for his meanness. He is mean.

Just three scoops of Ube Macapuno Ice Cream and I don't give a shit.

feeling blah

There's nothing significant with my entry tonight.. I just feel like talking and blabbering. =)

I was wondering what's with the month of October.. Cause it seems that my pare and I got the knack of fighting during this month. Yep.. We're not talking. I just don't know what happened.. Maybe I was at fault also for being grumpy. I have said my apologies and I am not ready to swallow the darn pride at the moment.. I guess this is the way it is to be. That's what I'm holding on to right now. I have to take care of the "ego", just like what men used to do. I don't like how it feels but I know that I will be fine. One day, I'll be able to forget about everything and I'll be back to my old self. (Whom am I kidding? Nothing stays the same.. ) Pride is something not nice but is definitely a part of human nature. And sometimes, no matter how much you care for a certain person, you just have to realize that you should love yourself too. Loving doesn’t mean that you have to look like a fool.. Loving doesn't mean that you should forget everything about yourself. Loving doesn't mean closing your eyes to the truth. (Nye! what does love got to do with this anyway?) I guess what I'm trying to say is that-- sometimes, you need your pride to prevent yourself from being totally destroyed. Self-preservation is good also. It helps you respect yourself even if you are lonely.

This one is about love. While I was on my way back home early this morning.. a thought came into my mind. For so long, I have fervently prayed for someone to come into my life and simply sweep me off my feet. And sometimes, I even feel sad cause unlike other people -- I got nobody. Well.. Today, I have decided that I will no longer "look" for him, whoever he is. I will just live my life as I should and enjoy it as much as I can. I would stop wishing for a fairy tale in a while and live my life according to what God has planned for me. I have come to accept that if someone is meant for me, then he will find me. But at the present, I don't want to be a hopeless romantic anymore. I need a time out from love stories and all those mushy and icky stuff. I need a break. I still listen to love songs but definitely that is for my heart- so that it will not forget that, love is still essential to mankind. But I know, deep in my veins.. That I'll welcome the intrusion anytime he feels like dropping in. =) Hehehe! This is a happy entry don't you think?

married life

Just what I have thought, married life is not an easy path. So many difficulties are awaiting the couple before they reach what you call -- golden years. Not only on the part of the wife, but also on the part of the husband. You do not marry a single human, you marry a family. Instant adjustments are required in order to adapt yourself of the fact that you are now a member of a new household. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is really hard not to be in good terms with the family of your spouse. It is going to be a tough life.

Meddling is an ordinary problem between the in-laws and the spouse. Usually it is the mother in law that meddles a lot. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, once in a while there's going to be rows.. and arguments. In our family, if ever there would be arguments it's going to be about the grandchildren. My sister in law has moods (so does everybody else..) and sometimes, she can really be childish and difficult. And those times, the kids are always affected. There are times when my father and my mother wants to take care of the kids or have them in our house, but my sister-in-law wouldn't let us borrow them. But aside from that--- we have a harmonious relationship with her. (Hey! We are nice folks, you know?)

I guess, I feel sorry for my cousins who are having difficulty adjusting themselves with the change of their status. I guess, every person wants a successful family life. A family that is complete, stable and happy. That is the ideal family. Hmmm.. That makes me think.. Would I be able to hang on? Would I be strong enough to stick it out through thick and thin? Deep inside, I still don't know if I'm one of those who would put everything at stake just to keep the family intact. I grew up in a closely knitted family. We love spending time with each other.. my father and mother playing mah-jongg and us, lazing around! Hehehe! We might not be rich, but we are happy. We have our complaints about one another and we talk about that when it's time for sibling bashing. We have dreams for one another which is really cool.

My father and mother's married life is not perfect too.. They have their arguments and they do fight. The reason of their fight is usually my Tatay's grouchiness. He is masungit! My mother is a nag.. but she knows when to shut up. During their fights, My father wouldn't say anything at all and stay quiet. But those usually it would last for a couple of hours and they'll be back in each others' arms again! =) Though there was once a violent fight, my mother inflicting bodily harm on my father. But 'twas a long long time ago-- I was a kid then. My Father and mother's family life is not a fairy tale. There were lots of obstacles.. But somehow they were able to overcome them. My Tatay and Nanay are together for 33 years. =)

Getting pregnant is not a permission to become a wife.

new layout

Presenting my new layout… Mixed Emotions. For a year and a half since Neil gave me a layout-- my blogs has seen different looks.. Depending really on my mood and eagerness to change it. This is version 8. I called it mixed emotions…. It is composed of abstract looking flowers in a black background. The black background signifies the life that one has to live.. And through her experiences.. One splashes a color in her life.. In the end -- you don't see the blackness of your life but rather, you will realize that you had lived a life full of colors. Countless lessons had been learned and mistakes rectified.

When the sunset of your life comes.. you can sit down and start to reminisce about the life that you have lived. And the canvass that you have painted.

hypocrisy

Hypocrisy is something that I cannot tolerate. I mean what's the use of pretending that something does not happen when in fact it already did? What's the use of covering it all up when in the near future, it is bound to be discovered?

Haaaay.. I do hope that these people would change, and I don’t like it being related to someone who is a liar. Not as if they got a million-worth credibility and integrity. They have brought that to themselves. If only they were levelheaded enough to let their daughter go out and enjoy her singlehood. She would not be very eager to fly the coop. Ok, I know you are wondering what am I blabbering here about. You see, this cousin of mine - she's getting married right? And when we asked why the sudden rush, they keep on telling us they are absolutely gone crazy in love, that they don't want to be apart… (And other irritating bullshit..) Anyway, If she is indeed not pregnant -- Why would you marry someone who is not going anywhere-- someone who is not prepared (he doesn't even have savings for a wedding)-- someone whom you just going out for a year? Not only that -- the darn parents of the girl, who said that they will allow her to go out on gigs when she finishes Law school (that is after she finishes Graduate School) would marry off their eldest daughter --Just like that. No darn preparations.. No flowers.. Nothing. Hayy naku, I know you would raise your darn eyebrow because I'm making a big deal out of this.. But the thing that I'm trying to point out is that -- DO THEY THINK WE ARE IGNORAMUS? Do they honestly think that we would buy their reasons that sound so crappy?

If indeed Apple is getting married because she wants to have sex (yeah right, as if she has not!) They could have provided the whole family time to give her a decent wedding. And I would not rush into marriage when it is reiterated that the guy's family is undergoing financial crisis. The nerve to ask for the hand in marriage when they don't have money to spend! If only they have been truthful --then the subject would be drop off, just like that. Unlike what is happening now -- they're covering their lies with endless lies. And all in the family are counting off the days until the belly grows and Apple give birth. It would be endless.. Their hypocrisy would always haunt them.. Believe me. It would always come up whenever there are family gatherings.

I hate people who lie.. Especially those who are not really good with lying. Time and time again, I have said that if you are going to lie.. Just make sure that you can look the person in the eye that you have supporting arguments ready and you can answer direct to the point and with consistency.

Liars do go to hell, don't you know?

foot scrub

Have you done something for your feet lately? When was the last time that you had a decent pedicure?

Earlier tonight, I had some foot scrub. Yep.. Dainty (?) feet got some loving … Hehehe.. ate and I bought some do-it-ur-own foot scrub. I had to do all the scrubbing all by myself.. Raising my foot so I can totally massage it. Scrubbing the granule till the skin exfoliates.. Giving birth to a new skin. It was not so hard to do after all.. And it smells good too. Maybe I should get me a big bottle of foot scrub. I haven't actually pampered my foot (except from the usual twice a month cleaning and pedicure). This is the first time that it has experienced some.. Err.. Loving.

I'm not into body scrub or anything… I just want my feet to have some relaxation. SPAs are everywhere now a days.. shall we say, it is the hottest business in the Philippines now. Just like the Computer Rental Shops, the Zagu and tokneneng phenomenon. We tend to neglect our feet and only a few know that the feet suffer the most torture in everyday life. Imagine being snuggly fitted into a shoe, whole day carrying the weight a person? So sometimes, we should take a break and do something that would not only benefit us.. but would benefit neglected parts of the body.

Lately.. Okay, only last week, I become determined that I'm going to take care of my feet from now on. I'm going to prevent it from getting calluses or hard skin.. I would try my best to give myself a foot massage every night just before I go to bed. Would that make me a vain person?

Anyway, here’s a tip: If you want to have a scrub and yet doesn't have the money -- Just get a cup of brown sugar and scrape all those dead skin cells away. Don't forget to rinse yourself or else you just might die from ant bites. Heehehhe!

marriage

While my cousin, Hasmin, ate and I were having a little chit chat last night. Hasmin blurted out that Apple is getting married. She said that Tita Nida texted her and said that Apple will be tying the knot soon. And that freaked me out.

Apple is just 22 years old, barely an adult. I know that she can decide and pursue for what her mind as well as her heart wants but there are things that she still needs to enjoy before she finally settle down. Nobody in the family know about the details why she's going to get married soon and why the hell Tita Nida reacted that way (normally she would freak out and oppose every idea of any of her children getting married.) Last night, the text was so.. Plain.. Normal and calm (?) Anyway, we can't help but to conclude.. and whatever situation we try to imagine we end up having one conclusion-- that Apple is pregnant.

It was just like yesterday, when all of my cousins would be playing around and tease one another….. Now one by one they are becoming wives and mommies. They are shall we say, being snatched by outsiders. Hehehehe..

There's going to be a drastic change once she becomes a wife. Imagine? From being a girlfriend to being a wife? You would spend every waking hour with that person-- taking care of him, serving him. Accepting all his faults and Living with it for better or for worst. Knowing things that you haven't discovered when you were still boyfriend/girlfriend. Discovering and accepting bad habits. WHEW! It's going to be a tough job. We don't really know about her boyfriend for we haven't met him yet… (Just like in Evelyn's case)

Marriage is a special contract of permanent union between a man and a woman. Agreeing to establish conjugal and family life. It is not a mere paper that can easily be torned, burned, or disregarded. It is a lifetime commitment -- (as long as the divorce decree hasn't become a law) it is a commitment that both of you will always cherish one another -- observe fidelity, honesty and respect. Building and raising a family is a HUGE responsibility -- and I'm not sure whether she is ready or not. I guess, this is her destiny. This is meant to be. And if ever Apple is pregnant-- whether that is planned or otherwise.. it is unstoppable that she has to grow up fast. I would have talked about the effect of Pre-Marital Sex but then, we are still not sure where she is indeed going to be a mommy soon.. I just hope that things will be OK. And that she will be happy.

How do you determine whether or not he is the one that you want to spend your lifetime with?

b-day

Good Eve, kulasisi!! I just got home from ate Vivian's House. Today, we celebrated Tatay and Luis' birthday. Just what I have expected, it was tiresome.

Way, way back, I told ate Vivian to hire a caterer. Since it would be less tiresome and they would do all the work. Not like what we are suffering from now, my back is aching from the preparation and driving to and fro their place. But the birthday party was a success. And that's important. There was no rain.. there were lots of kids.. And lots of food too. No one got hurt from the games. Men get drunk.

The only drawback is that I was not able to enjoy it. Since I was the official pilot of the day. I have to drive going to and fro our home to my brother's apartment. Oh well.. I'm just glad the our guests had an awesome experience partying with us. And hopefully, the next time that we invite them -- they would attend it with all zest and enthusiasm. Hehehehe.. There's still lot of cleaning up to do, but there is still tomorrow. Tonight is my night of rest. Nyt nyt kulasisi..

2 weeks

Time flies so fast when you are having fun. Today Jane and Tato left for their home in NY. Joy and I brought them to the airport. The vacation is so short-- there are so many things yet to be done, food to be eaten and places to be visited.

Jane's departure is not the like the first one-- but it does not get easier seeing a close friend leave. There is still the pain.. and it will never fade... the pain will still subsist though there are moments that you won't feel it cause you are so busy living your own life.Jane would not be returning in a while.. she said 3 to 4 years.. darn that is too long! haaaaaaay... I just hope that time will come-- My friends and I would be living near each other, so we can harass all the people living the area... Experience life together. Falling in and out of love knowing that at the end of the day we can have a get together to celebrate the birth of a new love, or just celebrate the newly acquired Freedom.

We are the breath and strength of each other.