rants and ramblings

election ewan

my ibp chapter conducted its usual election of officers today. it was my first time to vote, however i was disenfranchised!! suckysucky.. they got my first name wrong! and when i told them about it, they required to see my ID and some proof that I pay my dues. I pay my dues to the central office and not to the chapter because they impose special assesments. i dont have my receipt with me so this old ugly wart of a woman told me that i can't vote. taena, naligo pa naman ako! shet!

so i went out of the room and called aina to tell her my frigging name is not DIANA! hayy..it was disappointing.. even this kind of election, we still experience these kinds of problems. tsk tsk. walang kwenta.

so i vowed never to exercise my right of suffrage (re: IBP elections).. I'll just sleep my morning away. hmp!

Labels: just venting out

over and done

there would come a point in our lives that we just get tired of doing the cycle. and i already reached that point. i got tired of being in the same situation, fighting the same odds over and over again. yesterday is the day i give up.

i know it was unexpected.. some may even consider it done in haste. but it was going on for months. and i always find myself to be here in the same position where it all started. alone. although i did consider myself taken (read: in a relationship) for a while.. i've spend most of it alone. i got too lonely. so depressingly lonely.

my friends patiently listened to my recurring stories.. everyday, every week.. or even on a monthly basis. i closed my eyes and ears to their opinions being the stubborn woman that i am. i want to be happy regardless of the price i had to pay. F self-worth, F self-respect... I was happy and that's all that matters.

if im willing to disregard sensibility then i must have really love her. looking back, i have never fought for G this way. and i realized had i've been this way with G, probably we would not have the problems that we had and we would still be together. it is amazing to discover that i am capable of giving more. but its too late to cry over spilled milk now. i could only learn from my failed relationships.

my friends assured me that i am not the problem, "ang mga minamahal mo ang problema." she said. contemplating on this statement-- what is wrong with the people that i love? how come they always end up treating me badly. On being single, "you might be lonely but then you are not in pain" one said. she said it's better to be alone than to be in a relationship and constantly be in pain. true, true.. but being in love is so... hmm i don't know.. addictive? LOL.

yesterday, i surrendered and gave up. P was shocked. But I'm tired. I don't want to be a mistress anymore. i actually want her to fight for me. i want her to prove to the world that it is me that she wants to be with. It is hopeless and getting nowhere. we are running in circles. yesterday i realized, i deserve more. it is just sad that she does not have a backbone. it is sad that she can't leave her past for me.the sad truth is she does not love me enough. nope...not enough. (ouch.) i don't want to continue waiting to see if the situation will improve. it's been months, so i know it would not get any better.

i'm in pain now but i know it will surely go away. in a month. a year. a lifetime. i will surely forget all about her.

Labels: love, moments, relationships

one-liner

"whatever it is that i feel for you is no longer there."

char.

Labels: one liners

one-liner

"when a man marries his mistress, he creates a job vacancy."

Labels: one liners

modern jungle

everytime i get the chance to come to work early, i couldn't help but realize how Manila had become a modern jungle. on my way to work, i see a lot of homeless people doing their thing in the Pasig River.. and when i say thing, it means doing the john, laundry or bathing. But amidst all these gruesome activities i've witness heartfelt scenes like a man hugging the girl in a protective embrace, a dog up the gate of a bridge, an old woman making a fire so she could heat some water, some guys cooking in a can, a man putting his made-up bed in a plastic. I did wonder about their stories and how they get to this kind of a situation.

But sometimes I get irrirated when I realize that they're just a bunch of lazyheads who doesn't want to work... yun bang ok na sa kanila ang patanga tanga.. payosi-yosi.. I specially hate those who sleeps in late.. yun bang tirik na tirik na ang araw e nakalatag pa sa kalye. Of course I did not say that I'm a hardworker.. I even admitted it here that I'm kinda lazy in my own criteria. They live selling themselves as victims of society. And I do agree with a sociologist that i saw on TV, when she said that these people are actually actors who get by selling their drama to other people. Bigat no? But think about it... It do make sense.

Maybe I considered Manila as a jungle because in this place, only the fittest will win. (please corelate this entry to the Amazons of LRT story that I wrote in the past. Hehe)

And for your information, I do give when I feel like giving.. I am human afterall.

Labels: just venting out, work related angst

pre heart's day

thank god valentine's day falls on a saturday this year. it means, i'm not going to be near the metropolitan area to witness the mushiness and commercialism of this celebration.

last year, i celebrated valentine's day with someone not special. Haha. Although at that time I did hope that it would be something more... it just didn't work out. If I remember it right, I did not have fun. so boring and all..

This year, I was expecting to spend it somewhere with my someone special... eating homecooked meal + dvd marathon or probably drink, dance and sing the night away...well yeah probably little kissing and touching on the side.. or more.. But never did I expect to celebrate it alone (yet again).

I don't know. Maybe someday. I'll be able to write something beautiful about valentine's day.. until that day arrives, i'm going to hunt cupid and give that winged child a bitch slap...

oh shet..

i don't want this day to arrive but i don't have any choice.. hayy..... presenting my Daily Time Record for the month of January!! Hmmm....

3 absences, 5 undertime. no lates. No leave filed either. shit.. what happened to my application for leave slips? did the boss disapproved them?

to be honest, i want to rip it to tiny pieces.. or throw it away.. or erase it from my mind.. or to even have my slips signed by a forger. ewan. i'm feeling quite desperate. shit talaga. i got more and bigger problems to deal with.


good job. shit.

Labels: just venting out, moments, work related angst

hay lord..

i know it's my fault.. i know i have been remissed of my duties at work. my absences are incomparable... is it my fault that i'm way too addicted? haaayy..

my attention was called because of my absences + very poor drafts... i'm so burntout with work. on one hand, i just want to laze around and feel the air against my face.. and be where i want to be. on the other, i need the moolah so i can laze around and feel the air against my face..in short, i need this job.

but the bottom line is.. im not happy with work anymore. i want a new environment.. i want to start anew. to be somewhere. to rebuild my self-esteem (which had been trampled upon because of that ef). to prove that i can do better. to earn more and live more.. and tire less. yes, i want that life.

i don't know if im ashamed or paranoid. i feel so isolated.. like suddenly nobody likes me in this effin office. not even my good old computer. shit.

the good things about today are the fact my lecture turned out great (in my own opinion), a free sandwhich + rice meal and an umbrella.

on the tip of the cake is the fact that i get to talk to P and knows she'll be alright. *crosses her fingers*

hay lord.. i need a new job. please give me one that pays good, a lot of fun and i can manage my own time.

Labels: just venting out, moments, work related angst