rants and ramblings

blahhh

My parents arrived last night from Mindoro.. they've brought some dried fish (daing!) and Pinindot (local delicacy) Hehehehe.. anyway, they had a tough time going there because of the frigging RO-RO project by PGMA. All the frigging ships are in the Visayas... leaving the port in Batangas... errrr...shipless! (wahahahhahah!) uhmmmm I'm glad that they were able to get home safely.

About work.. I didn't report for work yesterday.. Yep, im such an absentee! But then, I do deliver right? An officemate texted me that she was asked to sign some "leave" papers to make such absences official... which really sucks! Hehehe.. it means lessining my f!@king leaves! Hmmm... I've come to enjoy and adjust to the attitudes of the people there...but then, they always felt aggravated.. (hmmmmn.. so?!)

Hayyyyyy.. im so tired, I played badminton today.. it was fun but really tiring. You know what!? Some people have told me that I'm losing weight.. I really don't know if they mean it in a nice way or they're just teasing me. Hmmmm... Maybe its the clothes I wear! YEah.. black can make you really sexy.. Hehehee.. But really, I dont want to look too gothic.. I need a new wardrobe though.. *looks into my wallet* Hmmmmmmm......

luv

They said that you haven't really live unless you have loved and been loved in return.. but what happens when it is just one sided love? What happens when it is just you who always love? Does it mean you have not lived at all?

But love is such a life changer that happiness and sadness really depends on it.. I have seen bright, successful women fall on their feet when it comes to love.. sacrificing everything they have and everything they are just for the sake love. Yep, it may sound stupid... but it is true. How many successful women now a days would have trade everything just be with the person that they love!? how many of them would have chosen love and forget everything else?

So what really is it in love that makes even the most intelligent creature to make a fool of himself?

Frankly, I don't know... but I can make a wild guess... for I myself , have fallen prey-- I know in myself that in due time, I would forsake sanity-- I would forsake everything just for the person that I love.. irrespective of the fact that it is wrong or unnatural. Then -- nothing matters except "us" and our love.

Being in love, whether it is right or wrong gives an elated feeling of being needed and appreciated. And no matter how hard the road is to happiness -- just being with the person that you love makes everything worthwhile. Nothing can compensate the joy that you feel when you are together, when you talk, when you are in each other's company... the only thing that matters is what you feel and what brought the feeling.

Love is complicated and we all know that. It causes us wounds and scars.. countless tears.. and yet, we still strive to achieve it. We work hard to hold on to it.. For nothing is as satisfying as knowing in yourself that you loved with your all and you are loved in return.

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Today is Mama Jane's natal day.. I believe she's 28 years old now. And though we're apart.. in my own little way I guess, I've celebrated her birthday.. how?! Hehehe.. I've bought a cake! yeps... half chocolate roll in celebration of Jane's b-day.=D

Wishes for the birthday girl:

I wish that despite our distance we would remain as bestfriends... and that no matter what the future holds she would always be there for me as I am for her. I wish that I would be able to see her soon... and I do wish her all the best things that this darn life can offer.. (but of course, mga prinsesa kami no!) also, I just want to assure her that eventhough I go out -- it doesn't mean that I got new friends and that she has been replaced. SHe's simply irreplaceable! (is there such a word? basta you know what I mean.. ) I wish her long and healthy life. Likewise, I want her to know that I am missing her so much...

Results of Your Jealousy Test

Your score = 36

What does your score mean?

Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You fit right into this usual range - certain situations may spark feelings of jealousy, but generally you are not preoccupied with the fear of losing your partner. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are secure, strong, independent and rational enough to recognize the possibility of losing your partner to someone else, but not be consumed by it. That does not mean that you do not care; you would certainly be as sad or crushed as anybody else. However, you know that if it ever happens, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else. Such feelings give you a sense of security and the strength to trust, and allow you to be comfortable in the relationship. That, in turn, boosts the chances of a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

hehehehe....

plagarism

In 2001, while in one of our Toma Session.. my friends and I gave birth to ! Elsa and the Superpekpek Heroes .. and in 2002.. I have given birth to our website.

Last night, I have discovered a site.. this fucking idiot have made a Bisayan version of my stories!! that really sucks! Fuck! Fuck........ THIEF!!

Never in my wildest dream have I thought that I would be a victim of plagarism... hayyyyy

blahs

It is really irritating how the "real" story differs from one person to another.. sometimes, things are exaggerated or things are omitted.. which really sucks!

If you can't say something nice.. just shut the fuck up!

I hate stupid drivers on the road -- if only they would allow people to gun down stupid drivers for simply not knowing road courtesy and propers signs.. the problem in the traffic would have been solved ages ago... not to mention, the population dilemma.

Someone got fired cause of his .. web blog fuck.. sorry to hear that man.. I hope I am not caught either... lol..

Now for the good things that happened to me today:

Jane called me up and I think we're ok again....

My family and I went to Clark to get something for Yaku's project and dropped by Duty Free to get some stuff for Christmas. I spent a thousand bucks today.. Lol.. I hope I can still go to the office tomorrow... We had a nice time, spending with each others company... =D

not a measely thing

I received a text from Jane today, and she's so mad at me. She's mad because ailes told her bout the first sunday of the Bar Exams.

Diane and I accompanied Judy cause she was feeling so low, we were to hear mass in Antipolo... but then, destiny has other plans so we ended up having coffee in Libis. Diane asked us if it's ok to let Rox join us, we were of course surprised (read: Judy and I). We don't want to have any trouble with my bestfriend.. but then, it was just for lunch right? I thought it would not really affect my life that big so what the heck.. I even joked Diane to tell Rox that we're on our way home, but then I've thought of the bad thing that I did to her -- and that made my heart soft..

Roxanne arrived in 10 minutes... and I never did say sorry for what I did to her in 2002. I guess my apollogetic looks said it all. Then she invited us for lunch over in La Vista.. After our lunch, we went to her room again and watched Vcd... Because we were so tired the day before, and we didn't get any sleep... we all fell asleep. (Read: Judy, Diane, and me) But the moment that we regained our strengths back.. we immediately said our goodbyes and left for UP. Unknowingly, that day, Ailes was not able to have her lunch.. and somehow, knowing about our activity that day-- left something bad in her mouth. She always accuses us of dropping her and going for rox. But never in my wildest dream would I ever thought of her blabbering it to Jane. That is precisely I refuse to go out with them (REad: Rox, di, ailes and roger) cause I know-- If I would go, Jane wouldn't like it and Ailes' would be able to blackmail me. So i'd rather stay at home and use the internet rather than going on a gig with them.

Jane hated Rox. Jane is my bestfriend. I had my nap at Rox's place. Just by these sentences-- i feel aggrieved for Jane. and the fucking thing of all -- Ailes thought that this is just a measely thing. She thought that Jane is just emoting .. tampo lang daw. The hell! she knows about my relationship with Jane. Jane is my bestfriend, woman! Don't you have any sense at all? She said that she told Jane that They (Read: Ailes and Rox) are ok now, and Jane took it ok daw Pero Ailes, you're not Jane's bestfriend.. Now... i really don't know.. I said my apologies to Jane... but then, I know it would not be easy. That simple mistake could change my life.

I'm a wreaking havoc inside. =(

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hApPy BiRtHdAy NaNaY!

For the first time in my life, I was able to afford to give my mom money for her birthday.

Wishes: I wish my Nanay Long life, Good Health, Love, Wealth. I love you Nanay.


Brighter Note still, I already received my 13th month pay! Yeheyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! First time... for my first job. *wink wink*

jazzy

My officemates and I went out tonight.. we went to this place near our workplace called PIER1. It was a bar and grill achuchu... hehehe.. anyway, we had a nice dinner.. and lots of chattin. WE talked bout relationships, relationships, love, politics, corruption.. and relationships. We were supposed to go to Star City for some games.. but then we got hungry.

nope, I didn't get drunk but jazzy did.. in fact -- I'm quite alright.. heehehhe.. I'm really into beers anymore.. I think I have fallen in love with Absolut Kurant. Hmmm... earlier on, my mind was full with thoughts that I really really want to share...... but now.. hitting these keys...well.. I hardly remember my ideas.. i loss my thoughts... hmmmmmm..... they keep on talking bout sex and relationships... of course i started to worry when Tatay asked my whereabouts... then, my officemates and judy insisted that I should get my own place already.. live on my own..and support myself... but for me, it's like suicide. Of course, having your own place is great.. I mean, you get to do all the things that you want but I can't financially support myself. Living alone costs too much. You get to pay the rent, electricity, water, laundry, food and transpo.. as in nye! How the hell would I be able to send myself to review course if I have to spend on that... until I passed the bar exams in 2005, I don't think my expenses would be lower than my neck.

I'm really pissed of by something.. but i dare not say it here cause i don't want to be reminded of it. It just sad to be accused of something that you didn't do. FUCK!

hopeless

I feel so hopeless..

I don't think there would be something left for me in this country.. I mean.. with everything that's been happening in our country.. I feel so helpless.. I just want to go out.. migrate somewhere else! I don't think I could bear FPJ as my president.. I don't want to grow old in an unstable country. I just want to flee and escape...

I fear for my future.. I fear for the future of my niece and nephews.. fuck...

remembering

I had the chance to read some of my past entries today... It helped me to remember my past and the chance to correct my grammar. Hehehehe It reminded me of sad and happy times. Reading.. I become acquainted with the people that have become part of my life.. people who made me laugh.. and people who made me cry. Sometimes, Im amazed how the hell they were able to inflict pain on me.. and wonder if they're having a nice life. Nope.. I don't want to get in touch with them again. I wonder too whether they're sorry for hurting me or if they're even aware of what they've done. I just want them to know that they're are forgiven and forgotten. Hehehe..

Anyway, Myrna Tan forwarded a message that on November 16, 2003.. the Pol Sci Majors of Far Eastern University will be having their assembly... which is cool.. going to meet old classmates, schoolmates and page masters (READ: our classmates who are die hard librarians) Bwahahhaha..

webak

Just arrived from a 3 day out of town work. I'm so darn tired... but it was a new experience to me, just like the Medical Mission. It was both fun and tiring. I learned new things along the way and somehow evolved into a better person.

Baguio is cold.. it would be nice to visit the place during these months since its off peak season. Not too many tourist and the market is not too crowded. We stayed at a local hotel just behind Burnham Park and shared the room with my 2 officemates. And last night... we just could not go home without enjoying our short stay... so we sneaked out and went to have a bottle or two. We were able to find this place in Session Road called Le Fondue. I had a bottle of beer and in no time at all-- I was ready to go home and hit the bed. Of course my officemates were not excited bout it since they're enjoying the music so much.

I guess the only set back was the fact that it was not a vacation -- and we are in fact @ work. Bought few things and spend money that I ought to save. Going back brought the memories of my past visits... It would have been nice if I was with my friends or just with the person that I love. heehehehhe...

I'm tired and I need my rest. Come monday it's back to the real office with nothing but real work.. I just hope things will be ok.. I don't want any hassles or any problem... Bonne Nuit.

3 day work in baguio

Today I received the bad news... I am to leave tomorrow for Baguio since we're going to hold our public hearing there. It's going to be a 3-day work... while the rest of humanity enjoys the absence of the so-called bosses.

I would rather be left within the four corners of the office.. having the option to leave whenever I want to. But no.. I have to be with the daim bosses to be their slave for 3 days!

I must admit that I got excited at first... but when the thought sunk in... I just want to be left here in manila. There's so many things/ people that i would miss during those 3 days. I've been to the Pine City for 3 days before.. but it was for pleasure and I'm with good friends. It would have been different if I'm to go to Baguio with someone special.. now.. that's what you call Honeymoon! ehehehehe....

Imagine waking up @ 2 in the morning! fuck... the first trip is 4.30 am. Hehehe there's no way I can go to the office by 5 am... ain't that shitty? waking up so darn early for the daim frigging people!? fuck...

bespren

My day was filled with thoughts of Mama Jane. I have been so busy with work for the past weeks that I haven't had the time to check on her. All throughout this day, I reminisced the times that we've spent when was still living in Las Piñas.

I kept on listening to our songs. Melodies which are part of our lives.... our background music whenever we talk or go out. I wish she hasn't gone to NY. Then, I would be assured that my friends and I will be seeing each other constantly. Unlike now, we seldom see each other and we just end up with plans. I miss the times that Mama would call just to ask what I am doing. I miss my sleepovers and most of all, I miss the talks that we have. I miss her ideas and her intelligent disposition about life.

I miss her constantly.. but I have never missed her this intensely.

distance is really a bitch.

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Several greetings for the month of November...

Haberday Ninang Gaying! We had lomi for her handa.. heehhehe.. yum yum!

Wish: I wish her health and long life.

Congratulations to Ninyo for his upcoming wedding and upcoming baby...

Wish: I wish Ninyo and Ann.. a blissful married life. Obeying and respectful children. =D I'm truly happy that finally you guys are tying the knots. Be a good provider pare and love your better half among all things on earth.. Stay loyal and faithful till the end of time. Best wishes!

love earns love

True is the saying that Love earns love... You tend to receive when you give. Right now, all I have is the feeling of animosity toward some people in our area. Nah-- of course, we're not engage in verbal attacks nor do they know that somehow I'm angry at them... I just don't feel like looking at them right now.

It has been an open book that my mother had a hard childhood... it is known to us (her children) that she never was loved nor cared for by her parents... and among her siblings.. she would probably be the last in the list. Some may consider our issues as petty things... but then.. when my mother get rejected with every favor that she asked... whenever I see the pain of being denied the equal love that rightfully belongs to her... No thing is petty. No thing is simple.

I really don't care about them anymore.. to me, only my family matters. Only the people I love matters.. and the only thing that they would ever get from me would be: courtesy. Courtesy for the simple reason that my mother raised me to respect people even to those most undeserving. I can only refer to them as selfish people. I've committed myself to get my father and mother their own house and lot... I guess I have to confer with my ate and kuya about this.. and I know they would be supportive of this goal. Someday....

You receive what you give. give love to earn love... don't expect anything above the things that you have given... you would only get disappointed. Mark my word.