rants and ramblings

Freedom is liberating they say. It's probably true to those who felt they are imprisoned. The freedom I received is not welcome but I am embracing it. Not wholly with acceptance but with the learning to give it value, to determine its worth before I give it up. My faith is not faltered. I still believe that my prayers will be granted. I have to re-learn to be patient and enjoy my life as an individual and a single human being. 

Labels: God is good, relationships, self-love

Hi, I know how you are feeling. Ain't this feeling of helplessness and hopelessness seemed familiar? You have been this road before and you survived. It will take time but eventually everything will be okay. 

Labels: God is good, relationships, self-love

I don't know what is going on with me. I am struggling at the moment. I can't take her off my mind. There is this innate desire to check on her. I keep reminding myself to reject the rejector. If you love somebody, set that person free. 

Labels: God is good, self-love

Dear God, 

Labels: God is good, NC, relationships, self-love

3 missed calls from M made me feel uneasy. I want to take it off my mind but I want to be reminded that at one time-- she tried to reach me. I have to tell myself that It didn't matter. But who am I kidding? It did matter and it played my mind. Hay buhay pag-ibig. Im thankful for my friends and these new memories. Now, im holding on to prayer. I know God  has my back. 

Labels: God is good, love, NC, self-love

I commit not to talk about her. 

Labels: God is good, relationship, self-love

You should be with someone who brings out the best in you. 

Labels: God is good, NC, relationships

I'm dragging the days.

Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love

It is the fear of having no one that I need to shake off. Last night, I read about affirmations. With the help of youtube-- I was able to get a video. Im crafting my own affirmations to help me everyday. 

Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love

I went out tonight. My co-workers were kind enough to take me under their wings. I guess they had a clue but I never  knew we were that transparent. 

Labels: God is good, love, NC, relationships, self-love

hello blogger, I have been out of the loop for a year I think. So much have happened in that year that I barely have the time to write them down. I transferred office and went on my first out of the country workshop.

I spent the first half of 2015 at my old office. Went to Baguio for a seminar. I had my first cultural trip and chocolate drink at Cafe by the Ruins. Then June, I transferred to this new office located in a traffic congested area. I was given a service car and driver. I got exempted from wearing uniforms and filling my DTR. I get to work with new set of people. I was hesitant at first because the transition was not welcomed. So, 7 months after. I am still here. Thank God.

I think the highlight of my year would be my visit to Turin, Italy. It was a long flight, buti nalang maraming movies. I landed in Milan and took a train to Turin. Then I went to see my co-worker and we visited Venice. Lots of walking in Italy, but I loved every minute of it. I love Italy! It's really an awesome place. I would love to come back. Ang mahal lang talaga ng Euro. hehe. I stayed with my college barkada in Milan and visited the Duomo. I got a Swatch as a souvenir. :)

Heartwise, well the relationship with to you is dead. I believe it will never work out for us. But I never get to break up.. I just let it hang and wait until it dies. Anyway, this past week something ugly came to haunt me again. this familiar feeling of impatience and despair. I don't welcome them. I hope this is just a phase and I'll bounce back. Maganda ako. I am complete. I will survive.

Half of 2016 and I have a new boss. I felt sad that my old boss is leaving, but I guess that's just how life goes. Thank you for welcoming me back.

Labels: desires, dreams, friends, God is good, just venting out, relationships, self-love, travel, work related angst

hello blogger, i started on my new work today. it's scary and i did not sleep at all last night. i don't know, all of a sudden i started questioning myself and my competency. am i ready for this? should i embrace it? i gave a small talk early today, and i have to be honest about myself. this all new to me. something i never expected. i was aiming at a different position yet God give this to me.

I am thankful for all the people who trusted me. I hope I will make them proud.

To my Nanay, I know you are happy about this Nay. I miss you at times like this.  Please guide me that I may always do the right thing.

Labels: dreams, God is good, just venting out, work related angst

it's the 30th of April. Hopefully, i had my last day of bleeding yesterday. I am worried about what happened and I do not want to see the doctor to talk about it. I do not know if I still take up OC.. (not after what I have been through!) but hopefully, i'd get back on it after I see my OB.

I am at work now and tomorrow is a holiday. My brain is sleepy but my body is wide awake. Life is stable.. no new experience to write about.. I am thinking of getting a house but I am worried that my finances would come astray. Konting tiis pa siguro. Thinking of investing too.  Not that much pero it's a start. Hopefully, when I am old and grey these investments will work for me and the people I love.

Labels: dreams, God is good, health, life, self-love, winner, work related angst

Everytime I have to leave early for work, I usually end up having my breakfast at my table.. and what do I usually have? I eat pancake sandwich from Jollibee!! 2 pancakes with sunnyside up egg, cheese and bacon in between. so effing yum! I would have posted a picture but darn webcam is not working.

I need to power up to get me goin through the day. :) I hope you'll have a great day too, Blogger. I have 2 goals left before my goals for the week is done. yehey!

Labels: food porn, God is good, self-love, work related angst

Thank God, Pope Francis arrived safely in Vatican. Nope, I did not see him personally. I watched everything happened on the tube. Just when everybody wants to go to Manila, I decided to pack my bags and go hibernate.

But something happened in me.

As I watch him arrive, as I hear him speak. My heart listened. I realized that I'm doing very poorly in my spiritual life. Yes, I always pray...but I know now that it's not enough. I want to do something.. I want to be part of something big. I have been living in a small, limited world.

When Pope John Paul II died. It seems I relied on myself for my spiritual nurturing. Yes, we hear mass (occasionally)  but listening to the word without any action is just incomplete. What I am doing is not enough. When I heard Pope Francis speak.. he spoke with my heart, he made me understand that all senses must work harmoniously. Speak Well, Feel Well and Do Well.  I will keep on dreaming. I pray that I will never lose the desire to dream. 

Do not worry Papa Franciscus, I will do my best. I will keep searching and with the guidance of the Joseph, Mary and Jesus, we will succeed.

Thank you for your time Pope Francis, May God protect you and keep you. We pray for your health and long life. We love you.

Labels: God is good, love, moments, my thoughts exactly, prayer, relationships

It's almost 2015. I am obliged to make this summary cause I haven't been writing the whole year. I hope it changes in the coming year. I have a lot to be thankful for in the year 2014, for my friends and family.

Early this year, I was surprised to receive a complaint filed against me. It was filed by a losing party charging me with issuing an Order that is unlawful. I lost the drive to work... all I wanted was to run away. Get away from here and escape from the injustice they took upon me. I'm thankful for my friends who took the time to prepare my answer and to check on my position paper. I am also thankful for the support of my co-workers who took time to photocopy my annexes and to print all those paper. To this day, I am still praying for those people who wished to do me harm. May God touch theirs hearts and enlighten their minds.

I declined to take over the office cause I would not want my weekends and time alone to depend on my boss and deadlines. But I am searching for something new and enriching.

This year, I got to plan and execute projects and be literally be a one woman team..from administrative work to lecturer. all in one. I get to visit places such as Taal Heritage Town, Cagayan de Oro, Quezon (Lucban, Tayabas and Sariaya), Legazpi (yes, i met Mayon Volcano) and Baler, Aurora. I also got the chance to re-visit places like Davao, Surigao and La Union.






I am thankful that tatay and ate's health improved. I just hope ate will be able to financially liberate from her debts.  Kuya and his family are doing fine in CA. I guess what I am pushing for in 2015 are any of the following: 1) travel outside of the country  (kahit saan); 2) visit Batanes; 3) get a house (wahaha); 4) get a US Visa; 5) get a grand videoke machine; 6) continue to Zumba; 7) provide for my Tatay and Ate; 8) be healthier; 9) work harder; 10) have fun!

While I thank 2014 for being a good year, I hope 2015 will be a stable and better year not only for me.. but for you as well. :)

Happy New Year, Blogger!

Labels: desires, family, God is good, moments, travel, work related angst

hello blogger, it's been a long time huh? I have been stable for the past months.. however, something huge happened at the start of the year. I'm still waiting and all I have is my faith in God that he will see me through this. Then time went by... I've been to Cagayan de Oro, the Province of Quezon and other places. But the most memorable yet is my chance to meet the most magnificent volcano in the whole world. This month we conducted our yearly conference at Bicol Region. There I met one of the items I only saw from my textbooks. Hehe. So I immediately grabbed my phone and  took this shot. I was so mesmerized. :)
Next stop is the 100 islands! Hehe.

Labels: dreams, God is good, love, my thoughts exactly, work related angst

It's November 29. Last work day for November. Keep the moolah coming. 

Labels: God is good, winner

Change is the only permanent thing in the world. 

Labels: family, God is good, moments, relatuonships

A great tragedy has happened to my country. A super typhoon destroyed eastern visayas, killed thousands and separated families. The magnitude of loss is heartbreaking. And i hate that feeling. Loss. Death. It is something that would forever make you incomplete. 

Labels: God is good, my thoughts exactly