Thursday, November 21, 2013

PMS

Wikipedia defined PMS as collection of emotional symptoms,  with or without physical symptoms related to the menstrual cycle. Several factors are identified with PMS such as irritability, tension and unhappiness. 


I think I am having this syndrome now. Although I may not feel the tenderness or bloating as some experience, i am certainly irritable, tensed and unhappy. My emotional state is chaotic. I am not depressed but I am not also shouting for joy. I can sense the irritation in my words and actions.. I am quarrelsome when I'm having this.  It feels like I should be the axis of the universe, but deep inside I know it is wrong to feel that way.  I want Baba to come home, although I know she is scheduled in the first quarter pa. I want everybody to take care of me. I want a hug. I want to feel special. I just want a lot of things.

I wish this will get over soon. I don't want get into a fight or anything and I want to do my job, finish my deadlines as fast as I can and enjoy my weekend. I hope people will get to understand if i am masungit and needy.  

Parang KSP (Kulang sa Pansin) lang.

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posted by jaded fool @ 2:34 PM  

Sunday, April 08, 2012

hunger games



I saw this movie today at the local cinema (cinema within the vicinity). I was amazed by the story line and I wished I was watching it with the G. I was with somebody else but my thoughts were wishing her to be there. Daya no? Sometimes it'd just make you wonder whether she feels this way too... But I would never know the answers to that. She said I was strong, yeah I was.. In front of everybody else I have to save face that I am always strong and I could take anything. But the walls in my room.. My pillows and my ever reliable kumot knows otherwise. I have my weak moments and even a song can make me cry a river.

That's's why I admire the heroine in the movie, she's so strong, wise and determined. In the end she was declared as victor. In time I guess...it'll be my turn to be the victor.

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posted by jaded fool @ 7:59 PM  

Thursday, April 05, 2012

true



this is what I should do:

does it hurt when you do that? THEN STOP DOING IT.

Yep, I should stop.

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posted by jaded fool @ 8:17 PM  

Friday, March 30, 2012

blahs



I'm back home from a very,very short trip to Palawan. I left yesterday and came back today. The only sight that I saw in Puerto Princesa was the airport. I got a 4 hour delayed flight and to compensate lost time, PAL gave out free lunch. Much to my dismay of course since I even settled to a city tour.



My lecture was okay and the hotel I stayed in was actually better than the one I had in RO2. Hehe.

Early morning, my guide and I went to the market to buy kasoy..lots and lots of it. Sweetened and fired.. Who cares I just want kasoy. Then I had my breakfast and fixed my stuff. I was brought to the airport by the hotel service and checked in without any trouble.

Midflight I plugged my earphones and listened to some music. All were love songs and my thoughts brought me to that one girl. I've thought about her and started missing her. I broke down to tears when love without time was playing. Its an old song with a heartfelt lyrics..

If you happen to know the owner of this feet, please let her know I miss her so.

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posted by jaded fool @ 8:26 PM  

Sunday, December 11, 2011

kwento lang



siguro nagulat ka dahil nakatanggap ka ng text galing sa akin sa disoras ng gabi. at tulad ng iba pang text, deadma lang. siguro naitanong mo sa sarili mo kung ano ang problema ko? siguro rin pag nalaman mo ang problema ko, lalo kang magtatago.. at magpaparamdam nalang after 20 years. simple lang naman eh.. ako ang problema.

AKO.

mahina ako. at sa tuwing iiwan mo ko sa ere-- nagkakataon na nakakatagpo kami ulit ni P. hindiko yun sinasadya, kusa lang siyang dumarating. lilibangin niya ako.. binibigyan ng importansya.. gaya ng ginawa niya tatlong taon ng nakalilipas. it feels good to be wanted and needed. and i am too weak to run away. she has asked me a lot of times kung kami and i never did reply. i say, yaan mo na kung ano meron ngayon. enjoy while it last.

and it has become a cycle. A cycle that i just have to deal with everytime. G would make her presence known and i would totally ignore P. then G will leave, and P will come to my rescue or whatever para libangin ako o lapastangin ako.. di ko alam. All i can say it that sometimes when it seems that the whole world is ignoring you, a little attention will mean a lot. when you have nothing, you appreciate everything. even small things. a text, a note.. a hello and a hi.

honestly, i am tired of this cycle. it feels like a recurring event and i just know beyond G and P, someone greater or better is out there. Or not. i don't really know.

Outside my window is life. beyond my four walls... beyond my comfort zone, is the adventure that i want to experience but too scared to take. I thought it would be G who would accompany me to that adventure, my catalyst.. the one person who could truly push me to do what i want. but she's gone to her own adventure, leaving me here.

I'll be 35 next year and I am thinking of getting a birthday present for me. something unexpected from someone so mediocre like myself.

la lang. naikwento ko lang.

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posted by jaded fool @ 12:34 PM  

Saturday, November 05, 2011

clean living



don't you just love the smell of cleanliness? we finally got the chance to clean up and declog our house. my itsy bitsy room is now clean and fresh smelling! nakakahiya naman sa bisita ko nung isang araw kasi.. Lol! the air is lighter and the room is airy. :) i simply love it.

will hear Fr. Joey's mass tomorrow.. so i need to sleep early. :) i love sleeping especially in a clean room like this. i hope it stays (clean) a little longer..

truly, cleanliness is next to Godliness. :) goodnight, you..

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posted by jaded fool @ 8:16 PM  

Friday, November 04, 2011

random thoughts



wrapping my arms around you while you sleep is when i am most at peace..
i have always loved the smell and feel of your skin..its softness and warmth..
the fragrant smell of your breath when you mumble..like a music in the middle of the night...
holding you brings me to that place where everything is alright..
everything is beautiful.
just like you.

my beloved.
please come home.

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posted by jaded fool @ 6:46 AM