Friday, October 14, 2011

Kasi naman..



I was out of town the whole week. Finally, i am back home in my old reliable bed. A lot of things transpired during this week.. Turned my world upside down and wrecking havoc in my brain. Work was both physically and psychologically draining. I wanted the davao stint to end quickly. I want the Cebu leg to start immediately. Ganun pala ang feeling if you are meeting friends. Masaya. Nakaka excite. Time went by fast.

It was special to me. Talking without fear of ending in a fight. To actually listen without judging or weaving conclusion. It was just us.. ages ago. In the heat of the moment, sparks went flying. Like it was the most natural thing we could do. It was beautiful. Blissful.. And when everything has passed, i found myself in peace. I know it should not happen.. But how can you fight something as warm and beautiful as she? Tao lang ako.

I dont know if that is a trick of fate or what. What i do know is that nothing could be more true. What i felt. Her heartbeat. It was basic. It was real.

Honestly, i've been pushing it off my mind cause that's the mature thing to do. And i am trying very hard. I dont want to get stucked in an emotional pit that is of my own doing. Ay caramba...

Whatever will be. Will be.

I bid you goodnight blogger. Kasi naman....

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posted by jaded fool @ 9:18 PM  

Friday, July 29, 2011

dear blogger,



how do i put this. i have been harassed. i was on my way home and the driver was kind enough to seat me in front. sabi pa niya, "dun ka na lang sa loob". Natuwa pa man din ako dahil hindi ko kailangan makipagsiksikan sa loob ng van. i thought it was an act of kindness, di pala.

at first i was not sure if it was what i was thinking. nahiya naman ako, baka mamaya e feeling lang pala ako. i felt uneasy. vexed. there was a point that i am sure i felt something awkward and very wrong. then i got scared and went into state of shock. i was brought back to that time when i was in grade 3 and that grade 6 pupil harassed me. so what did i do? i ignored it. i counted the minutes. ang tagal ng biyahe na to. in my head, i was asking how many others are there?

i felt the pressure of his hand going up and down the sides of my thighs. and the elbow that's trying to reach my breast. thank goodness for my lovehandles. it was a very uncomfortable ride. i was talking to him, trying to figure out if it would probably deter him from continuing with his acts. one of the longest rides i ever had. i wished really hard i was with somebody. cause if i were, i would not be sitting there in the first place. Lord, please send me that person who would protect , care and nurture me,ASAP! see what happens when i travel alone? :(

I wish this would not happen to my niece and i wish that should it happen to me again (which i really, really hope it won't) -- i will not go into shock and do what is right. let that be a lesson to you too..

thank you for listening, blogger.

-me.

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posted by jaded fool @ 9:16 PM  

Thursday, May 19, 2011

blah.blah.



it's two days before take off. i haven't packed my bags yet. i'm busy researching so I would not look stupid at the airport. hehe. I hope the weather would clear out and God will give me sunny (or cloudy day in the least!) days during the entire trip.

something good: J (my staff) told me that I should start teaching since i'm engaging daw.. hehe. well, i wanted to teach since I was a kid. I remember having my own blackboard and hoards of chalk (I got from the classrooms that my Nanay cleaned when she was still a janitress). It really warmed my heart. Probably in the future, i would venture the academe. until then, i will just be a good employee and prepare for it.

something blah: well the debates on the RH bill goes on and i remain steadfast in my opinion that it is a crime to bring out in this world a child knowing you can't care, feed and protect him. It is time to be mature about this. In my honest opinion, every child deserves a good home. If you can't feed or care for a child-- you don't have any business fucking without using any protection, you lustful stupid people! (or was it stupid lustful?) grow up and be responsible. if you want to fuck around, be prepared for it. don't get stds or somebody pregnant. And for me, conception starts when the sperm cell meets the egg cell and they undergo some chemical reaction and not long before that! If you don't want to control the increasing population, probably the church could start feeding the kids on the street. yun lang.

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posted by jaded fool @ 11:20 AM  

Saturday, August 25, 2007

is it really important?



what's important in your relationship? Personally speaking.. the things that i value in a relationship are love, fidelity, romance, respect, laughter, cooperation, and communication. Although I believe that kissing and hugging and sex are just bonuses... I think they should not be the prime concern of a relationship. But what do you do when it becomes as important as Love?

I'm in trouble when it comes to that area, i must admit. My mind is too tired to focus on the task at hand.. and sometimes, my mind would wander and think of my troubles. I know the thing that I should be thinking about is the pleasure.. the sweat.. the moans and the groans. I don't have any reasonable excuse I guess, I simply suck at doing it. And now, my whole relationship is at the brink of falling apart because I cannot deliver. My partner has vocally pointed out that sex is as important as love to her. It left a mark not only in my heart but in my brain as well. I've been dwelling on it for hours now. This would probably the creme of the crop since our relationship is currently battling with bigger and heavier challenges.

I'm mature enough to accept that there's no such thing as a perfect relationship.. it's just that I never had a clue that my relationship would have trouble when it comes to sex. I can't even make my partner come or clime.. I do feel like a failure and a huge one at that.

I want to cure it. I want to find solution for it.. but my partner stopped believing in me. She stopped believing that we could actually resolve it. This is so depressing.. and I feel like choking myself.

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posted by jaded fool @ 7:33 PM